Paper Angel
by PuppySlayer
Summary: This fic is like a foreign art film. You're not supposed to understand a word of it. If you do, then you're not reading it upside down or something.
1. Food for Angst

Disclaimer: Eva and all the fuck up characters are property of Gainax.

* * *

Asuka realized that Shinji was different lately. Not vastly different like he took steroids and put on twice his weight and start bringing home floozy cheerleaders to bang. It was subtle enough that only a person who lives with him would notice. 

Shinji was a pussy. No doubt about it. He will bend when you push hard enough. Most of the time, you only have to snap your fingers to get his attention and he would come scrambling to your feet like a loyal servant.

Asuka knew this fact and she had it committed to her head. She also acknowledged the fact, albeit grudgingly that Shinji bend not because he enjoyed being a slave to beautiful women. The lame ass mecha pilot did it to avoid conflict with anyone. It was only matter of circumstances that made him looked like a nice doggy to all of Nerv females. Shinji would try to please even an average looking woman. It was only by chances that the sole male pilot worked closely with women of supermodel quality.

When Shinji started to show signs of resistant, it piqued Asuka curiosity. Of course, Shinji did not refuse her outright. It began with small rebellion. On occasion, Shinji would ignore Asuka's order to switch off the tap, which she left flowing. She knew he was faking it as he laid on his bed listening to whatever he listened to and pretended he was lost in his music.

Sometimes, she would ask her roommate to cook her something. When there was no reply from Shinji after a minute of screaming from her room. She would barge into Shinji's lovely suite and demanded his attention with unholy wrath. There, she would find Shinji at his desk, typing on his computer with his headsets on. His head banging slightly to the tune unheard to her as Shinji's hand moved across the keyboard. Then he would notice her.

Shinji would put on an unsurprised face, glare at Asuka for a moment before returning to the monitor. From the door, Asuka couldn't see what Shinji was doing on the computer but she could guess it was a website interface of sort, maybe an email page. Shinji would lock the computer in standby mode before pulling the headsets to rest on his shoulder.

Only when these act of atrocities against the goddess Asuka was all done, only the mighty mecha pilot would address her.

"Yes?" The intent look Shinji had when he was focused a while ago was replaced with a bored one. There were dark rings around his eyes.

Asuka was angered. Not because it took so long to get Shinji's attention but the lackluster in his reply. She expected her subject to obey her commands with enthusiasm. Shinji used to be a zealot who would come to her beckon with the fear of god in his eyes. Now, Shinji looks more like a heretic to her. Someone who willingly renounced his or her god.

"Sure took you long enough." Asuka spitted. She put a hand on her curvy hips and lean against the open door. She prepped herself for a coy smile. She knew what to come.

"I... I am busy." Shinji scored 1000 on the scale of unsatisfactory answer.

Asuka slammed her fist of potent mecha pilot rage on the wall. She was beyond pissed. Shinji was supposed to apologize to his goddess. It was meant for him to grovel and beg at her feet. She expected full obedience and Shinji would give it willingly. Then she would deliver her punishment. Shinji would accept it. And there would be peace. They will make up and everything will be nice and pretty again. It has always been like this.

Asuka stormed across the room with the fury of a hundred angels. She promised herself the boy would find new words to describe pain she would inflict on him.

"You apologize. Say sorry," Asuka threatened. She yanked the headset resting on Shinji's shoulder and threw it against the wall.

The brown haired mecha pilot remained calm despite the threat of physical violence. Asuka could hit him but she would not take what's important to him. Her anger would not win over his vacuum emptiness. This is a confrontation between a living Buddha and a Greek goddess on her warpath. She could inflict all the pain on him. She would make his bone scream but she this was a battle she couldn't win. She will never take the torture away from Shinji.

"Shut up when I'm talking to you," Shinji mumbled quickly. To Asuka, it sounded like garbled voice clip played backwards.

"What did you say?" Asuka held a fist back; ready to execute swift violence if his answer was not satisfactory. Shinji stared at Asuka blankly.

"Nothing. I will make you ramen. Now."

Shinji stood up from his seat and requested permission to move to the kitchen with a weak smile. Begrudgingly, Asuka had to abandon her prosecution to allow the mecha pilot. The red haired girl is a violent person but even she needs facts and evidence to backup her actions, no matter how frivolous.

Shinji had given her none. The usually apologetic boy had side stepped her attempt at conflict without even an implied apology. Asuka would have none of this. She would not concede victory until she has her war.

"Don't fuck with me, wuss-boy." Asuka said with a strangely calm voice, unlike her earlier openings.

"Going to kitchen. Making ramen. Not fucking with you." If the two were not back-to-back, Asuka would have noticed the mild confidence on Shinji's expression when he said his line in a humorous tone.

* * *

A warm water penguin slammed his fridge door shut as the little brother of his guardian walked out of his room. Experiences told him nothing good could come when the red haired girl decided to rush into his room and demand his attention. The last time it happened, the fridge he was in was used as a war hammer to clobber the poor boy into the ground. Pen Pen thought about calling PETA for assistance but decided against it after much pondering. Asuka would probably murder them all in a freak accident involving Eva's. 

When Shinji has his SDAT on, the world is all right. He could find peace everywhere and anytime at all. Even his dad will be cake when he got his music directed straight into his eardrum. Asuka would be reduced to an annoying ant at worst. Life is so sweet when it's depressing. He knew it didn't make sense. Nothing does. However, this beautiful western music blasting from his headphones, it was something else. He couldn't get most of the lyrics due to its metaphorical meaning. Besides, he wasn't that good in English to start with but it did not stop him from enjoying its content.

It was ironic that piloting Evangelion would provide him with important insights to life. All the pain and confusion in the heat of battle was stored in his head with no outlet to express his feelings. He couldn't get Rei to talk about it. Shinji tried, but Rei was just indifferent to it. If she had an effective way to dealing with problems, she sure wasn't sharing. In a way, Ayanami was even a worse companion to have compared to Asuka.

With Asuka, you knew what will come if you talk about your problems to her. Asuka would just brag about how she would take it easy and win every time. It's formulaic with her. Her solution to everything was to kick a lot of ass, even with problems that requires no action.

Shinji was determined that the enigmatic blue haired girl has a common solution to his problems. Her ability to deal with anything was plain crazy. Rei Ayanami was the sort of person who can sleep through a hurricane and look absolutely fabulous in the aftermath. She would then give interviews in her sexy silk pajamas and wow the world with her amazing grace.

Shinji wish she would impart some of her secrets to him. He didn't wish to be supercool or popular, just be able to deal with problems are more than sufficient. Sometimes, Shinji felt so desperate that he wanted to kidnap her, tie her up and beg her to divulge her secrets before Section Two could find them.

However, fortune smiled upon young Ikari and he has no more need for that selfish bitch Ayanami and her lofty ways. He has found his secret techniques to deal with problems. What he couldn't deal with, he will fight it with his newfound powers. Angst. Self torture. Paranoia.

Equipped with the knowledge preached in the gaijin music, which he treated like the Koran, Shinji now saw the world in a monochromatic black. He was sad once, but no longer. Everything that was depressing was now beautiful. He was once worried that people might take advantage of his naive self, but all they have now was his deep black soul. They are free to have it. The devil wouldn't take it for two cents.

In the twisted mind of Shinji Ikari, Ayanami is the perfect symbol of symbiosis with her surroundings. She knew everything would turn on her and fuck her in her sweet virgin pussy when she was not looking. If anyone actually thought that he or she is able to inflict pain on her, it is only because she allows it. Rei has a fanatic zeal when it comes to destroying everything that could lead to emotional or physical attachment. She would kill a puppy dog like an infidel if it grows on her. As she had been gifted with such ethereal beauty, her life has become a crusade to crush all who falls for her.

* * *

Shinji removed two sticks of carrots from the polystyrene container and slice it up. He allowed a wispy sigh to escape his lips as his hand moved with machine precision, chopping up the carrots with equal width, each and every slice. He wished that he had half the fuel for angst as Rei did. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't conjure the sense of bleakness that surrounded Rei. She could bend down, pick up a book and the whole world would dry up and became dust. Everything she does was just full of lyrical beauty of unknown quantity. 

The boiling water ejected Shinji from the beach with grey sands he imagined himself sitting within. He smiled as he scoop up the bits of carrots and onions with the side of the knife and sprinkled it into the pot. His beautiful source of anger will be fed soon. Asuka will regain her strength and plot vengeance against him again.

* * *

_"Iwanttofuckrei."_

Another Windows error message greeted Asuka.

"That dickweed must has something perverted as his password," Asuka wondered. She ran a hand through her silky red hair and tried again.

_"Misatoishot."_

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch if he really use this," Asuka muttered to the monitor.

_"Fuckinggoddessasuka."_ In reality, Asuka was peeved that Shinji didn't use it as his Windows password.

She scanned the room for immediate clues but Shinji, no matter how ridiculously boring he was, couldn't possibly use _"Mitsubishiceilingfan_" or _"Devastatingblandwall"_ as a password. Shinji was plain as a paper but he wasn't insane. But that was just what Asuka believed.

As the great Asuka was getting ready to lie on Shinji's bed and do disgusting stuff like sniffing his pillow, she noticed a CD jewel case lying on the mattress. She picked it up with the edge of her thumb and index finger as it could be pornography and coated with Shinji's mansauce. To her dismay, her opportunity to enslave the boy was not there. The CD features a graffiti styled cover art of a man with butterfly wings. The title looked like kanji characters on first look. It was printed with bold, thick lines and arranged closely like a signature. Upon closer inspection, she realized that it was English.

"Asuka, the ramen's ready!" Shinji called from the living room.

Ignorant of the CD's role in Shinji's recent changes, she dropped it where it was found and waltzed into the kitchen like a princess.

* * *

A/N: Formatted for better reading experience. 


	2. Being a dick

Disclaimer: Gainax still owns all the shiatty character used in this fic. And the Shinobu here is from Love Hina.

Rated for language and stuff.

* * *

Shinji suffered from anxiety disorder. It doesn't take a person with a degree in psychology to notice it. If a stranger approaches him, you can see him hesitating, thinking twice before taking actions. It did not matter to him whether said stranger is a beautiful goddess who just climbed out of his television requesting the use of his washroom or a stinking hobo asking for a donation, Shinji would treat them with equal respect; as if they meant shit to him.

Okay, maybe most males at fourteen would just point to the washroom like a stoned moron if a goddess thing popped out of their TV set instead of ordering her to get them some beers like a badass pimp. However, Shinji didn't distinguish between a goddess and a common mortal. To him, both deserved to be feared and respected even if they rank among the worst sex offenders.

When Shinji walked to school, he tried to get there as soon as possible. He tried to avoid the morning rush when the majority of the students tried to get there before the bell rings. Shinji would wake up early, before the barest hint of sunlight, make breakfast for both him and Asuka and get the hell away to school. He hated the crowd like they were midget freaks with leprosy. He didn't want to ogle at schoolgirls and rate their boobs and asses. Not voluntarily at least, as he sometimes did it to appease his gang, Kensuke and Touji.

Shinji seriously hated walking in crowds. The soft indecipherable giggling of schoolgirls pissed him off. Out of the corner of his blue eyes, Shinji knew those conniving cunts with their fake innocent smiles and fluttering pleated skirts were conspiring against him. They would cover their mouth and whisper something vicious into the ear of their girlfriends and then they would gloat in revelry. The mecha pilot was on to their evil plans.

Conversation overheard between Asuka and Hikari thought him a thing or two about females and their perversion. The pilot of the bright red Eva and his class representatives were dirty little hypocrites. They would spend hours chatting over the phone over menial topics like guys and clothes. When Asuka was done with Hikari, she would then whine to Shinji about how Hikari was a dumbass slut and what a tasteless little girl she was. And they spent hours talking to each other at least once a day when Angels were not threatening to end their miserable existence. Shinji guessed as much that Hikari felt the same way about his cocky female partner. The spectacled girl probably called her a 'Nazi whore' behind her back.

Shinji couldn't understand how females could stand each other. If Touji hated him, they would solve their problems through gratuitous use of violence and the problem will stay solved. That's the way with guys. We couldn't come up with such massive pretension and act like the world is all right like Buddha isn't trying to steal more souls from Jesus. But girls can and they do it all the time. No matter how much females hate each other, they will still plan silly gatherings and invite their arch nemesis and insist that they come. They will share a drink or two at parties and talk about the good old times even as you can see the evil darkness pouring out of their artificial soul as they exchange words.

Therefore, Shinji tried his best to get to school before the whole street would be filled with students bee lining. He hated how the girls would look at him like he got a penis growing on his head. He utterly despised the one that were brave enough to come up to him and wished him "Good morning". Shinji could only wished that he was a berserker in real life because there were times when he seriously needs something to ignite the barrels of contained fury in his heart. All his stored anger and resentment for mankind, if released all at once, can most definitely fuel genocide the size of Africa and all of its AIDS ridden population. Assuming there are still people living in that god-forsaken place after Third Impact.

* * *

The blue-eyed pilot squinted his eyes in irritation as he noticed a group of three younger schoolgirls on the other side of the road. Shinji stuffed the earplugs deeper and shoved his hands into his black pants.

Have to act nonchalant and keep it cool.

The short girl in the center was in a dilemma of sort and her two companions were egging her on. A short while later, it was decided that annoying the boy that saved their worthless butt many times was the right thing to do.

"Just ignore her and continue walking. She will be intimidated by your cold, intimidating act. Walking with headphones on is so rebellious," Shinji lied to himself. He knew he was no badass like his dad, the supreme overlord commander of Nerv.

"Good morning, Ikari-sama," a sweet female voice assaulted Shinji. Even his trusty SDAT couldn't offer any protection to his ears. He reminded himself to get some high-end noise-cancelling plugs later.

"Hey," the cool mecha pilot tried his best to ignore the enthusiastic girl.

"Acknowledge her existence but don't give her more than she wanted. You're doing just fine, Shinji," the blue-eyed boy reassured himself. However, he felt a little disgusting for acting like an asshole but he knew it was necessary. Bitches were out to hurt him.

"Do you remember my name, Shinji-sama?" she chimed as she began to walk alongside Shinji. The mecha pilot took a peek at her pretty face and got disgusted at the amount of innocent hope bleeding through her eyes. Shinji has to hold his breakfast in as images of the fictional past flood back to him like putrid sewer spillage.

_Flashback_

* * *

"Shinji, you're awesome out there," Gendo said while patting his son on the back.

"Dad...snifff," Shinji cried and opened his arm wide for some serious man to man huggyness.

"I'm kidding. Misato, throw him in the brig for disobeying orders and make sure you flush his Spiderman comics in front of him," the evil ruler of Nerv ordered.

"Nooooo, leave Spidey alone, you god hating bastard!"

* * *

_End flashback_

Shinji rubbed the bridge of his nose and put on a slightly bored expression. He had to make sure the girl didn't get any ideas about this.

"Maehara, Shinobu," said Shinji like he read it off a random tombstone of no significance. Shinji had to make sure the girl knew how important she was. Which was no more than discarded Kleenex crumbled in mansauce.

"Oh, gosh. You remembered, Shinji-sama. I'm so glad and happy," Shinobu danced and twirled around the way only sickening cute magical girl could perform. In her pathetically simple mind, a person remembering her name would mean acceptance.

Shinji wanted to slap himself in the head with the only free hand he had now. His right hand was now occupied by Shinobu. The girl was latched on his arm like a giant leech, sucking the blood out of it by squeezing it to death. Regrettably, Shinji should have just told her to fuck off but he was way too much of a pussy to do it.

Lacking in exit strategy, Shinji just continued with Shinobu attached to him. Emotional controls gave way when the cute girl pressed her pert breast on his arm. It was so unfair when a female had so many weapons against you, but Shinji was a mecha pilot and people in his trade are badasses on a whole new level. Shinobu was just one harmless girl. He could deal with it. He dealt with angels hell-bent on destroying mankind and evil megalomaniac on a daily basis.

"Right, Shinji, just fucking stay this way. Walk straight. Don't look at her, don't maintain whatever eye contact. Just don't turn your head because you will smell her hair and you will be walking with a boner the size of an Eva plug all the way to the fucking school," Shinji cursed to himself. It surprised even himself that he would include so many f-word in his thoughts.

"Shinji-sama, you're so popular. Everyone is looking at you. It must be great to be popular," Shinobu sounded as if she would drop her skirt or give a few blowjobs if it could make her a celebrity.

This was exactly the reason why Shinji went to school early. To avoid the asshole crowd who could be identified into two groups: the one that think he is one cocky bastard and the other one that think he is a woman stealing scum. Shinji shuddered a little, as the staring was a tad more intense than usual. If the usual was _'let's beat the shit out of that privileged dickweed'_ then now was _'kill that bitch deader than dead and shove his ass through a wood chipper'._

Shinji tried to think of a few logical reasons to his latest crime. It couldn't be Shinobu, she wasn't a cheerleader or the kind of slut jocks like, and so the jealousy factor would be out. Touji would testify to it.

However, the girls were particularly scary today. Usually, they were all smiles while the guys directed all their hate at him. It must be PMS day or something.

"Did Tokyo Times write anything about Nerv being responsible for the genocide happening in the Middle East?" Shinji asked casually.

"I don't know. Why, do they have nice restaurants over there?" Shinobu replied and tugged his arm harder, hinting at something sidious.

"Guessed so. It's nothing," Shinji lied and ended any talks, which might lead to him bringing the girl out.

The mainstream media had blamed Nerv for various crimes against humanity, ranging from global warming to various wars happening all over the worst part of the world. Section Two had caught a few militant Greenpeace trying to kill him in gym class. Who would have believed 14 year olds becoming violent tree huggers? Shinji had a few theory about vegetarian products. He suspected tofu to be laced with psychotropic drugs. Tofu is evil, dammit.

"Say, is that Ayanami-sempai? She is really cool, isn't she?" Shinobu chirped and dragged Shinji out of his protein based conspiracy thoughts.

_Damn right she is cool. Look at the way she walks, you can actually hear the cries of baby Jesus as she carry her path. Every step she takes, all the baby girl in China dies. That's how badass Rei is. Everything in the world is all her fault. Asuka, the self-proclaimed human cyclone is just a light breeze compared to Ayanami. How can I compare to her when the only act of mass destruction I have ever committed hurt only_

_a little girl? What the fuck should I do to get some responsibility around here? Who should I kill to get some blaming?_

"Shinji-sama, are you alright? You look out of it," Shinobu asked with faked concern.

The annoyingly cheerful voice took Shinji out of his light morning angst. Ayanami, who was on the other side of the road, was coming over. The meek mecha pilot trembled a little as he remembered to put on his ultra angsty, doom and gloom face. Apparently, it looked pathetic when you have a cute girl latched on your arm and you're trying your best to look like the whole world hates you. Shinji decided to ditch his "my mom died yesterday" look and tried to scrap some of his dignity.

"Hey, Ayanami," Shinji initialized simple human contact with his fellow Eva pilot with a slight nod. Shinji wondered if it was such a good move. Rei was unbounded by social contract. She just didn't care about it.

"Hello, Ikari," Rei replied as she would reply to the greetings of the commander of Nerv. Unknown to Shinji, it was a tone of respect and not condescension. The blue haired girl noticed the junior student attached to Shinji.

Shinobu raised her free arm and waved it frantically. Her bright smile could peel the paints from walls.

"I see that you have a new companion for today," Rei stated stoically, not bothering to ask Shinobu's name.

"I'm Shinobu Maehara, waii!" the junior high girl introduced herself.

Shinji cringed in horror but couldn't bring himself to restrain Shinobu. The damage was done. Rei would associate him with the ridiculously cheerful girl from this moment onward. Shinji lost all his street cred in one fell swoop. He tried his best to relate to Rei by cashing in on his loneliness and general relationship failure but if he had any chance before this, it was gone. He couldn't look at the Princess of Angst anymore without feeling shame. Shinji lost his monopoly to angsty issues deep rooted in his failure to communicate.

"I will go first," Rei announced. It was sure as hell that Rei didn't give a ratass to attend class. Formal lessons were just an inconvenience to her. Shinji concluded that Ayanami had given up hope on him. In her cold red eyes, the Ikari boy was only a poser.

"Please, wait..." Shinji squeaked, but Rei already turned her back.

Shinji was sure that the parting look the blue haired girl gave him spoke only of contempt. In a sense, Shinji was a traitor. He had a chance to live a fuckup life. He had all the events necessary for the ultimate angsty life but he thrown it all away for a cheap slut. His mom must be crying in heaven because he was not cutting his arm enough. Yui Ikari gave his son a good reason to whine and moan constantly and all he did was living la vida loca.

'Failure, that's what I'm. I'm not even good at being no-life. At the same time, I suck at living. Damn you, Rei. Why can't you fucking help me? Are you going to leave me to Asuka? Do you think that I'm better off being a violent sonafabitch because angst is too deep and cool for me?'

"Ohh man..." Shinji groaned, but it was too late. He messed up again. The solution to all his problems drifted further from his hand.

"Shinji-sama, can I have lunch with you later?" Shinobu begged Shinji with her large puppy dog eyes.

Shinji tried to resist her charm but failed somewhat. "Yeah, whatever."

The cute junior high school girl twirled around and held both of Shinji's hand.

"It's a promise. See you later!"

The confused mecha pilot scratched his head as he sees the girl bounced back to her friends. At the same time, he could feel the aura of destruction emanating from fellow schoolmates dissipating. However, Shinji knew that it was just the calm before the storm, with his kind of luck. The path to angst is filled with obstacle and the occasional dead bodies.

Nonetheless, Shinji stepped into school like the brave warrior he was. How wrong could a normal day in school get?

* * *

Upon entering his class, Shinji was greeted by his two best buddies, Touji and Kensuke. Touji was a sports jock and a general badass. He was a cool guy to be with, but he had an angst dampening shield. It was just so hard to be angsty when you have a friend constantly pointing out cute girls to ogle at. Either that or Touji would be making Shakespearean class toilet humor, if there was such thing. You just couldn't keep a straight face with him making sentences with shit and poontang in it, let alone frown and look gloomy.

Kensuke, on the other hand, was a nerd. Unfortunately, Kensuke Aida was not the sort of loser who writes to youth magazine and spills their problems. Kensuke embraced his nerdiness and made peace with it. He would fight back if you chuck at apple at him in lunchtime. While he still complains about the lack of pussy from time to time, it was more like a common thing for 14 year olds to do rather than real whining.

In short, Shinji had two relatively normal friends who he couldn't relate to. In hindsight, it was not entirely a bad thing, since not being able to relate to anything is a prime source of angsting. Still, people thought that he was normal because he hangs out with normal people. It was a situation that required change.

"Hey, Shin-man. I got the stuff you wanted," Kensuke stated as he pulled his bag up and started to dig in it.

Then Touji rapped his knuckle on his nerdy friend and pulled him in a noogie.

"Biatch, I asked you for pron and you said you had non, you pron grubbing asshole. And now you're passing it to da Shin-man?"

"Touji, it's not pron," Shinji explained and tried to pry his hand from Kensuke's head.

"Fucking-A."

"Jeez, it's the fucking teacher. Let me go, dickweed," Kensuke complained as the senile history teacher strolled in.

Hikari decided to intervene before things got out of hand.

"Get back to your seats, you fools!"

* * *

DaJock: What's da shit he got for you, Shin-man?

AngstMan: It's just music.

DaJock: The only music in there is a biatch screaming into a 12 incher as she receive poundin' in her ass.

AngstMan : Fuck. It's music, okay?

WeedMastah: The fuck with you, Touji?

DaJock: Shin-man gets his daily pussy meals and he wants pron. It's unfucking believable.

AngstMan: What the! I didn't get no pussy.

DaJock: Damn right you didn't. You nailed Rei hard yesterday night and then you have drama with her this mornin'.

WeedMastah: Now that you said it, words are Shin-man was seen with a chick.

AngstMan has left the chat.

* * *

Shinji slumped on his desk, defeated. He knew that shit happens because he was too afraid to fight it but at the same time he couldn't take it like a man. Then he turned his head over and stared at Asuka, who wasn't paying attention to class. She had her eyes on the computer, probably checking some online store or gossip site.

What would Asuka do if some dick tried to hit on her? She would give him a stern no. Then if that asshole persisted, he would get some well-deserved asswhopping. If that didn't stop him, she would organize character assassination on him. The whole damn school would know the pathetic jerk who tried to hit on her and failed miserably. The school principal would turn a blind eye because she worked for Nerv and more than that, a pilot herself.

"Hey... I am a pilot too," Shinji mumbled to himself as twisted facts started to unveil itself.

Eva pilots fight to save the world. Shinji, Rei and Asuka, they all risked their lives to kick Angel's ass. They worked for Nerv, not the Japanese government, and not the United Nations. Nerv didn't answer to sleazy politicians or responsible for the well being of its constituency.

The truth hit the mecha pilot like a ton of sledgehammer. Shinji could possibly cause some massive havoc in class and get away with a little more than a stern warning. He could probably molest the cutest girl in the school and the one that would be expelled was the victim.

"Maybe I should test out this theory and see where I can go with it," Shinji grinned like a psycho.

It would work out. When the Eva's thrashed the whole town on a typical mission, only few radical groups protested against the property destruction. Even the paper did not give more than a small column to the violent picketing. It was highly possible that Nerv had all the local media on their payroll. Therefore, who would give a ratass if a worthless girl was harassed by a world saving mecha pilot? Hell, maybe they will even pay her to pose for Playboy or something.

"Arrghghhh, I'm supposed to be angsty, damnit. Not being a psycho pervert. Shit, what the hell am I thinking?" Shinji, unfortunately cursed loudly and caught the attention of the class.

If anyone who said being full of existential angst is easy, he or she is a fucking liar. Shinji would testify to it.

The school bell rang.

* * *

"Today, I shall be alone and get familiar with my inner child," the great mecha pilot announced before lying on a bench under a tree.

Shinji found out that eating a sandwich while lying in his back was not as great as he though. The wooden bench creaked as he shifted to a more comfortable position. Then he plugged his earphone and activated his SDAT.

"I wonder if I should become a Buddhist. I read that Buddha was a serious badass when it comes to being a non-conformist. Anyone who threw away a life of royalty and all the women and wealth attached to it must be crazy angsty. Buddha must have written lots of shitty poems when he was a prince. Poems about how authority was one giant leech, sucking the blood out of the citizens it was supposed to be responsible for. It must have told personal experiences of how someone could get bored of everything after having the best sex ever with the most beautiful women on earth."

"So, what do you want to angst about, Shinji? Are you getting pissed about the shit you could have but never did or are you crying about the things you have lost and can never be found again?"

Shinji then rolled on his back again and found the glaring sun suddenly gone.

"Shinji-sama, I found you!" Shinobu cried in joy. Then she brandished a plastic bag containing drinks at the brown haired boy.

"I don't know what type of drink you enjoy, so I got you coffee, milk, and orange juice," Shinobu said as she emptied the bag.

"Hey, it's almost like having breakfast, without toast. Anyway, what are you doing out here alone?" The poor girl tried to get something out of Shinji.

"Asuka-sempai is so cool. She told me you always hangout with your friends at the rooftop, so I went there first but couldn't find you. But glass-guy directed me here, he said Shinji-sama always come here when he skips class. Playing truant is so cool; I can't wait to be a senior. Then we can skip classes together and do naughty things," Shinobu ranted happily.

Shinji wanted to correct her on the deviant activity he had no part in but couldn't find the strength to do so. Ten minutes of intense worldly thoughts had sapped him dry. Furthermore, the girl seemed content carrying on the conversation by herself.

"Erm, Shinji-sama which one do you want me to open for you?" Shinobu posed cutely with milk and coffee held to her chest.

At this moment, if Shinji had any sense of badassery, he would have told the girl to fuck off and leave him to his own device. It was his private time to indulge in self propelled misery and incomprehensible thinking. Maybe, he should make an example out of someone for bothering him.

Fate then decided Rei Ayanami to cross their path. The blue haired goddess of angst moved at a light pace while holding some library books. Shocking Shinji out of his bored stance, the mecha pilot sat up in attention, nearly pushing Shinobu to her butt. Shinji knew his fellow pilot noticed them but she was just feigning ignorance. Ayanami was judging him from a distance, to see how he would act. She would decide if he was worthy to join the club exclusive to lonesome mecha pilot. A place so distanced from reality that no one could possibly relate to them in any way whatsoever. Shinji would get his answer. The path to true angst would be the truth to all his question. There was no doubt in it.

"Shinji-sama, you're out of it again?" Shinobu asked with a fake sugary smile as she pressed the slender aluminum can of coffee to Shinji's left cheek.

Shinobu was shocked when Shinji whipped the canned drink out of her hand. The offensive drink rolled on its path to the enigmatic Ayanami.

Shinji summed up every bit of hatred he had it in him and vomited it in two words. His eyes were never removed from Rei. She would know that he was serious this time. No fooling around.

"Go away."

"Gyahhhh, Shinji-sama?"

The pissed mecha pilot ripped his earphones out and screamed at the girl.

"Don't make me repeat myself!"

Shinobu took two clumsy steps backward and fell on her ass.

"Shinji-sama, you're so cruel!"

And the girl picked herself up and ran away. Shinji shivered a little at his own action but returned his gaze to where Rei was walking by. She was gone. Well, Shinji wasn't really expecting her to stand there like a fool and give him thumbs up. She was way too cool for that. But the Ikari boy was certain that she witnessed everything.

He scored, but a piece of him went straight to hell. Such was the path to true angst.

* * *

Formatted for better reading experience.

A/N: Hello, I hope you enjoyed this story. You can help me by contributing. I'm looking for online sources that deal with issue of angst; in serious or comedy form. If you want to, you can also suggest anime characters to be dissected by Shinji, especially those annoyingly cute, innocent types. Anyway, just drop a comment, thank you.


	3. Evil Tofu Empire

Disclaimer: All characters owned by Gainax ,yada, yada, yada.

* * *

"Shinji-sama, you're so cruel!" 

The mecha pilot looked on as the junior schoolgirl ran off. The thoughts of going after Shinobu crossed his mind for a moment before Shinji deleted it from his head like a pedophile might try to flush a harddisk full of child pornography.

"What do you plan to do even if you stopped her? You want to tell her you're sorry, put on some lameass lie and say you just had a lot on your head. Lead her on and say you're interested in her and let's be friends?" Shinji said to his shoes.

Then he lifted his head and slacked on the bench, trying his best to put everything behind. The slow moving cloud Shinji watched by was very much like his life. Pathetic, moves like a slug and a pain in the ass. Cloud sucks.

Approaching footsteps put Shinji out of his daydream. He snapped his head back into attention and found his friend standing in front of him like a fool. Kensuke stood there with mouth agape if he had just stumbled into a bathroom with a very naked Commander of Nerv. Even a badass pimp like Kaji would have problem getting it up for a week if such horror happened on him.

"Shin-man, I saw it man. I fucking saw it!" Kensuke Aida shouted in excitement, which attracted students hanging nearby.

"A dog with eight cock?" Shinji casually sidestepped the question. He knew exactly what Kensuke was implying.

Kensuke paused for a moment before throwing his hands around like people do in shitty rap videos. The sort of hand movement that looked like someone is cutting grass with water or juggling fire or something.

"That was just fucking sweet, man. I never thought you had it in you," Kensuke spoke with creepy adoration, the kind that Shinji serious didn't need at this moment.

Being emotionally drained, Shinji buried his face in his hands and prayed all of this bullshit would go away. The fact that his friend was slapping him on the back and calling the whole fiasco an excellent game disgusted him even more. How could anyone enjoy putting down another human being like they are dirt? Worst still, how could anyone turn such evil acts into art, like Gendo Ikari?

"Look, Ken, I don't need this right now," Shinji muttered while holding a hand up to stop his over-enthusiastic friend.

"But that was just plain pimping smooth. You practically backhanded her twice in the face and dumped her at the doorstep. Touji will go nuts when I tell him about this," continued Kensuke without consideration for Shinji's feeling.

"What is it with you? Do you actually believe that I did the right thing?" Shinji asked in mild anger.

"Well, I wouldn't say that it is the nicest thing you ever did to a girl, but you made a stand, that's the cool thing about it," Kensuke explained in a manner that sounded like it was alright to harass a girl if she was hot.

"The look in her eyes... she is hurt. I'm such an ass."

"Don't think too much about it, Shinji. She is just a kid. She will get over it, I'm sure of that. Tomorrow, everything will be fine and dandy again."

"You sure of it?" Shinji asked in a half gullible tone. He wanted to believe in Kensuke but the spectacled boy was no expert in female emotions and he knew that.

"Yeah, young children - they have these defense mechanism in their head, it helps them cope with problems they don't understand. Their limited reasoning ability and their simplified emotional range, it shields them from getting hurt. That's how kids deal with sexual abuses and rape. They will just box it up and take it until they reach early teens and..."

"Please. Let's not go there," Shinji protested in utter horror. How the hell a topic about relationship conflicts lead to child rape was a mystery he did not want to unravel.

Kensuke noticed the drinks lying on the floor and picked the unopened can of coffee. The sandy haired boy cleaned some dirt stuck to the can before presenting it to Shinji.

"Is this safe to drink?"

"Hrm, yeah, Shinobu... she brought it with her."

The spectacled self-styled nerd popped the drink and sat down next to Shinji on the bench. The bag he was carrying was now resting on his lap. Shinji looked on with curiosity as Kensuke ransacked through the bag with his free hand.

"These should be the music you're looking for. It is said to be the best in its genre some years back. Most western music post 2004 were laced with political comment and bitterness which would be out of context by now, so after some serious consideration, I selected this for you. Real emo lyrics, non-political aligned, just your pure anti authority stance and self-indulgence. No f-words, no gangsta, no bling bling, no shit," Kensuke said in a mouthful as he fished out two CDs in jewel cases.

A strange surge of euphoria surrounded Shinji as he took the CDs in his hand. It just felt right, the way a father feels justified to reap the fruit he sowed. The mecha pilot blew the clear plastic cover once and wiped his hand over it as he view the cover in adoration.

"L-I-N-K-I-N, P-A-R-K," Shinji whispered softly as if the CDs would turn to dust if he spelled it out loudly.

"Yup. I haven't heard the music myself, but reviews were generally positive. I'm sure you will enjoy it," Kensuke said with pride.

Shinji admired the CDs for a moment before realizing how rude he was.

"I'm sorry, Kensuke. How much are these again?" Shinji asked as he stuck his hand in his pants to retrieve his wallet.

A cool breeze shot past and Kensuke took it as his queue to strike his trademark pose. He pushed the bridge of his glasses the way cool psychopathic anime villain does before they announce their villainy way to the world and subsequently thrashed by super powered girls in high heels. However, Shinji had contrasting opinion to his heroic pose. Kensuke made a rather realistic impression of a hentai rapist gloating in front of his prey - all naked and tied up on the floor.

"It's on me, old buddy," Kensuke said with confidence.

"But I've seen you starve just to purchase the latest model kits and hentai magazines. You can't do this for me," Shinji protested. At his age, he had the best paying job ever. Unless you're a very hot Japanese girl working freelance in the redlight district.

"Just take it, you deserved it. We all owe you something for the times you risked your neck saving our butts," Kensuke said sagely.

Shinji frowned in confusion. It has been two months since the last Angel attack and during this break, Kensuke never offered to take the bill when they go out for grubs or being particularly generous on any occasion at all. Shinji was justified in his suspicion. Kensuke wouldn't just be nice to him without any incentive of sort. Unless the spectacled one suddenly grew a strange sense of appreciation for the mecha pilot which Shinji didn't want to think about.

"Okay then, thank you, Kensuke. But at least tell me why?" Shinji tried to sound polite.

"Remember the website I told you I was working at?" Kensuke folded his arm together and nodded to himself.

"The one where you post pictures of random chicks from the streets?"

"Nah, not that one. It wouldn't have generated enough cash to sustain itself, let alone purchase the server I host on." Kensuke paused and took a gulp of coffee.

"Erm, anyway, I needed cash to fund my mecha resources portal, I sold your shirt."

"You sold my, what?"

"Your shirt."

"I don't remember me giving you any damn shirts of mine."

"I stowed away a shirt you threw away. It was right after you ripped it in a football match three weeks ago. I thought it might worth something to someone. Glad I am proven right."

"You never know what kind of people you can find on the Internet," Kensuke admitted in a proud manner, as if selling someone's dirty and smelly sports apparel was a cool thing to do.

Shinji immediately covered his mouth and bowed over from his seating position. Kensuke could see his face rapidly turning green. The spectacled boy had no idea his friend would take it so bad.

'Shinji had no use for the shirt anyway. How bad can someone paying you for a used shirt be? What can a person possibly do with a torn, smelly shirt? Frame it up and show it to their friends? Tell people the great Shinji Ikari wore this shirt when he was fighting Angels hand to hand? Wipe the table with a USD 500 shirt bought over the Internet?

It is just like schoolgirls selling their used panties. People do healthy things with it, like masturbation. Besides, it keeps would-be criminals in check. It keeps the perverts busy and not do anything crazy like skinning puppies alive. Killing puppies are bad.'

Kensuke reasoning made sense when two equations were conveniently left out from it. Shinji was a guy. So was the proud owner of his disowned shirt.

* * *

That afternoon, Shinji came back to his home slightly crept out but overall, a happy man. In addition to the two music CDs Kensuke gave him, his spectacled friend also loaned him a huge collection of mecha animes the sandy haired boy constantly referred to as tactical training videos. The nerd boy thought that it might assist Shinji in his path to become the model mecha pilot, whatever it is. 

Shinji laid his bag and fished out a random DVD.

"Gundam Farm:Tactical Agriculture, now with foreword by Greenpeace?"

"What on earth is this show?" Shinji asked in wild amazement. He flipped the DVD and looked at the back description.

"It is the year 2500 A.D when NATURAL laid siege to a CORPORATE farming colony that produces more than 80 food supplies for Earth. With the home planet on the brink of starvation, NATURAL took Earth by storm. All organic food are the menu of the day. However, one man stands in the way of pesticide free vegetables - Kira Yamato. Armed with Gundam Farm, he shall put back bioengineered products on the food pyramid and eradicate tofu once and for all."

Shinji shook his head in disappointment and wondered what kind of bullshit political model which anime was trying to teach children these days. Back then, anime houses only bothered to make mindless harem shows and action packed anime with homosexually charged heroes.

Not bothered with the collection of mecha animes, Shinji strolled to his room to get some music conversion done. Little did Shinji know that his life would be thrown into chaos.

Streetlight poured into the dark room, which Shinji had himself locked in. He has forgotten how long since he has been alone in his privacy. He wondered for a moment if there was anyone else in his apartment he shared with Misato and Asuka. Shinji got up from his bed and pulled his earplug out. He swore his ear would bleed if he left it on any longer.

Noises coming from the television in the hall confirmed someone was at home beside him. Time to cook something before anyone got violent. Shinji calmly placed his SDAT on his desk and proceeded to move to the door. But before that, he took a long look at the blue-lit screen on the music player.

"In the end."

"Where were you all these times, old friend?" Shinji chuckled to himself as he placed his finger on the OFF button.

Standing by the hallway, Shinji squinted his eyes in disbelieve as he saw Asuka watching one of the DVD anime he brought back. The proud German girl always mocked him and the general male population for being such massive perverts when it comes to anime. For once, Shinji was excused for not making a comeback, for most anime were created for young teenagers and featured female characters that were into slavery.

* * *

"Kiraaaa, your evil corporate, non-vegetarian, puppy killing, boyfucking ways will meet a grisly end today!" shouted a pretty mecha pilot with shoulder length hair. Shinji noticed the character on screen was a boy. 

"I do not fuck boys and I can prove it by sleeping with Flay!" replied another young man, which would probably be Kira.

"So, you do admit to being a meat eating corporate whore who killed puppies!" the guy who hated Kira shouted back from the inside of a mecha cockpit. It seemed that both the participant were taking part in a space battle with their respective mecha.

The screen pan out and showed two robots facing off in space amidst random explosion.

The mostly white mecha with blue torso and shoulder armor clashed with another - a mecha painted with awful homosexual pink.

"Why do you hate bio-engineered food so much, Athrun?" Kira asked in painful anticipation as he pulled out his light saber.

The pink mecha replied in similar manner. "What do you know about eating chicken flavored cereals all your life?"

The lamely colored mecha swung its sword with wild abandon.

"It's unnatural!" cried Athrun with the hatred of a thousand dictators who had committed racial genocides.

"And being openly homosexual is not?" retorted Kira, who had discarded his broken shield, destroyed in a flurry of blows.

"Shut up!"

The girlish colored mecha flew back some distance and whipped out a pair of big ass guns. The other guy was horrified and the ending theme kicked in, much to the dissappointment of Asuka.

"Gawddamnit, those stupid Japanese sure can screw up a simple act of killing each other with dramas, flashbacks, reflections, and more dramas," Asuka whined to herself as she lifted her cute ass to replace the DVD.

* * *

"What show was that, Asuka?" Shinji asked innocently from his point, a few paces behind the couch Asuka was sitting on. 

"Gahhhh!" The pilot of Eva-02 dropped the DVD.

"I swear I will shove a lightsaber up your ass if you creep me out like that again," Asuka turned around and allowed Shinji a glimpse of contained frustration eager to be unleashed on him.

Shinji just held up two hands in surrender.

"Stop bringing back these idiotic kiddies show. There should be some laws against watching this kind of crap. All the saving the world bullshit, cute retarded princess, pacifist metaphor, guns-a-blazing... it turns the mind into a heap of goo. I'm surprised you haven't turned into the sort of moron like your two friends."

The only male in the house glanced at the disc lying on the floor with its label side up.

"You seem to be enjoying...Gundam Farm Disc 05. Not accusing you of anything, of course," Shinji said with a non-accusing smile.

"Getting smarty now, are we?" the self-proclaimed expert at Angel slaying folded her arms under her breast.

"Or do I have to explain to you why I'm the only adult around here disregarding Misato for the miniscule amount of time being sober - and therefore, I have the rights to view retarded anime as solely intellectual pastimes."

"Okay..."

"And it's all your fault for locking yourself up in your room whole day. I am bored out of my head. Now go make dinner while I continue watching these animes so that I can provide you with proper instruction to view it without the loss of sanity."

"On the way," Shinji answered, not realizing the irony in his reply.

* * *

A/N: This will not be a songfic, so no worry. I am not that well versed in music industry, so whatever spewed by Kensuke was the word of a 14 year old living in an uncertain future. Gundam Farm, heh, now that's a cool show I would like to watch. 

Warden: First reviewer, sweet.

Hououza: Do I pronounce your name like 'Whooshah' or 'HooAhh'? Heh. Thanks for reviewing.

Rusty Knights Productions: Asuka + dreadlocks hawt. When will we get to see Shinji covering himself in mud and get medieval with the yautja disciple?

Adam: Thanks.

Shinji the good sharer: Whoa, you sure have many fics.

Elijah Snow: Holy cow, it's Frodo. Er, wait that's Wood. Glad you like it. I suck at badass ultra violent fic, so I just write what I can.

Babel Matrix: Shhh, no spoilers!

PhantomR: A puppy for you, sir!

Mister Cynical: It's the guy that writes all the crazy 'Shinji the badass Marine' fics! I'm honored, really.

Keep the reviews coming!

PS: How on earth do you put more than one blankline?


	4. Nazi Youth Camp

Disclaimer: Creation of Gainax used without permission, yada yada yada. Some minor characters, which have names you might recognize from other series.

* * *

Shinji wished he had taken an extra cup of coffee this cursed morning. He didn't have much sleep the night before and woke up in a jolt. Nightmare hit him like a bat out of hell. The details left him like water through a sift. Only droplets of memory stuck to his head. 

He remembered being confined in an enclosed space. He wasn't entirely clear if he was naked or not, however it was freezing cold. It felt as if he had his penis shoved into a funnel made of ice. If that was not bad enough, he could feel some sort of... parasitic ice spider crawling along his bloodstream.

"Sniicchhh screechhhh krekk"

"Yarrrghhhh, get it away from me!"

The whole class stared in silent at the hysterical young man who was trying to shake off imaginary creatures from his forearm. Shinji continued his extended screaming as he brushed his arm frantically. His imagination was blurred with reality when the teacher wrote on the blackboard with chalks, which incidentally triggered Shinji's fear for demon spiders crawling under his skin.

"Garrrrghhhh!"

Smack!

"Bleaghhh..."

An indignant Asuka stood over the defeated form of the Third Child as the whole class changed their expression from shock to fear. The red haired beauty glanced at the motionless boy sprawled over his desk before flipping her hair in a victorious pose. A few guys clapped their hands in applause as the need for random violence of the day was fulfilled.

"Miss Sohryu, will you please explain..." the old coot gritted as hard as his false teeth could. The class could see that he was one fuse short of screaming "What the fuck are you doing, biatch?"

"Sir, you have to excuse us. We pilots are currently undergoing intense tactical training aimed specifically to develop our physical and mental capability," Asuka paused and allowed her lie to sink in.

"I'm afraid I can only revel that much. Nerv secrets," Asuka didn't specifically said if Shinji going on an acid trip was part of the training but it seemed if her point was understood.

The old teacher coughed in mild disbelieves. He was pretty sure that tactical training did not involve disabling your companion from hysterical fit by knocking them out with a rolled textbook. However, he did live in a pretty zany world with giant mecha, killer angels and high grade social misfits sitting in his class.

"You may return to your seat, Miss Sohryu."

Hikari looked on with new found respect for her proud Aryan friend. There were so many occasion when she secretly wished she had so much power to make things right. She had many opportunity to abuse the power vested into her but proper upbringing formed a mental barrier which forbid her to do so. But things would change from now on.

"They voted me into power. I never forced them to do it," Hikari smiled softly as she rubbed her hands together under the table.

The warm and friendly class representative didn't notice the evil glare in her eyes which would have stunned the immovable Rei Ayanami in her steps.

"Those idiots - they raised their hand and gave me executive power. They did it all without thinking if they even knew what they wanted in first place. Not that they had any choice in the first place. It was cute innocent Hikari Horaki versus a nerdy looking retard," Hikari whispered, then she glanced over her shoulder and looked at her incompetent assistant, Makoto Mizuhara.

It was all coincidence that there was no other good looking and potential power monger running for class representative. There were a few other good-looking females in the class who were popular as well, but they were your typical groupies type - they shirk responsibilities at first chance. Hikari was the only one who stood up for the challenge. She answered the call for duty, which rightfully belonged to her.

The Mizuhara boy was a joke and Hikari didn't make that up. The mild and useless boy was vouched by his friends as a class prank and nothing more than that. He wasn't destined for great things unlike the cute, freckled girl. But the teacher had to go along with it as Mizuhara had more than ten students supporting him.

Hikari had to summon all her self-control when the teacher announced the final vote count. While she was sure it was a clinch, she never thought the poor boy would only had one mercy vote - which belonged to her, as she couldn't vote for herself. The ten students who pulled the prank bailed out on him. It was Hikari first taste of absolute power and she craved for it ever since.

Hikari licked her lips and straightened her ponytail. She looked around and saw Asuka leaning on her chair with a complacent smile, probably satisfied with her act of violence. Rei continued to do what she did in class every day - looking outside the window. Shinji was dead on his desk. A small stream of drool slipped out of his mouth onto the laptop he was lying on.

"So cute..." Hikari sighed as she imitated Shinji and lay on her desk, with her face toward the mecha pilot.

"I wonder if he will appreciate women with authority... better than that idiot Touji," the class representative shot a venomous look at the sports jock who was busy talking with his idiot pal, Kensuke.

"He works in Nerv, one of the most powerful organization in the world. I'm sure he has a lot of women commanding him around and asking him to do silly things like licking their toes..."

The daydreaming class rep blushed hard and tried to hide under her desk before anyone could figure out what was happening to her.

"Got to maintain focus. Take a deep breath. Think happy little thoughts. Hmm... evil and happy little thoughts," Hikari composed herself again.

The class went on without disruption. At least no major disruption such as Angel attacks or students going berserk in the class for no reason. The peace went on until lunchtime.

* * *

"Doohh, what the fuck happened?" Shinji asked despite the ringing pain in his ear. He felt as if a bunch of imps has made a home in his head. 

"No one hit you upside the head with a Math textbook if that's what you want to ask," a snarky voice answered the mecha pilot.

Shinji forcefully cleared his head and looked straight into a camera lens aimed at his face. It took a few moments before he understood what Kensuke said.

"Who did it?"

"Who else?" Kensuke shrugged with an all-knowing face. He flipped the LCD panel back into the vidcam and off the machine.

Then Touji decided to add a measure of pain to the suffering pilot and slapped him on the back.

"Hey, you could have done a better impression of heavy metal if you're playing air guitar too," said Touji as he strummed an imaginary electric guitar with mad skills.

"Was it that loud?" Shinji leaned on the table again even though the pain started to subside.

"Fuck yeah," both Kensuke and Touji echoed.

* * *

The idiot trio purchased their lunch and went up to the rooftop again. Shinji was lucky that Asuka didn't decide to punish him again for not making her bento. He couldn't help it. Shinji felt like shit after waking up and just stayed in bed until it was too late to prepare anything. Then again, the red cyclone would kick his ass for any unrelated reason. 

The three picked a spot and laid their food on the ground. Shinji and Kensuke sat on the concrete floor while Touji stood looking at the ground below, checking out the girls. Of course, chicks hunting might be much easier if they were hanging around down there with everyone else but the gang enjoyed the solitary up here. However, they never mentioned it to each other, mainly because they were not emotional metrosexual men nor do they wish to be, they knew this was the tree house that was missing from their childhood.

As with most young boys, imaginary games and toys were the shit. A broomstick fueled with a little imagination can be transformed into a light saber. An empty refrigerator box packs more fun than a high-speed broadband downloading pornography non-stop.

This very rooftop, it was a tree house to Shinji, Touji and Kensuke. It was where their brotherhood was made and formed. It was their ultra secret base with the cool, big screen TV and cute maid androids serving them on every whims and fancy. It was also a sacred place where no woman, no matter how beautiful could intrude and force them to pickup the dirty clothes and take a bath.

Today, the brotherhood would be tested.

Kensuke carefully pinched the top of the bread's wrapping and pulled it apart. Plastic wrapping tore open from the top effortlessly. Shinji knew this was one of Kensuke peculiar behavior. The crazy spectacled boy enjoyed opening plastic wrappings with meticulous care.

The exit to the rooftop blasted open with a swift blam. Shinji nearly choked on his curry bread as he saw the figure emerging from the door.

"Wai, Shinji-sama. I was looking for you all over the school!" Shinobu cried as she shoved a bento into Shinji.

Shinji recovered from his shock and his expression slowly soured. He thought he had ridden himself of the cheerful girl for good. Touji and Kensuke looked on with disapproval. The harmony has been shattered.

'Did she even remember I told her to scram?' Shinji looked in disbelief.

"Please don't be mad because I ran away that day," the cute junior schoolgirl apologized as she bowed.

"It's alright. It wasn't entirely your fault, you know?"

The memory of the past event bugged Shinji. Shinobu was annoying but she definitely did not deserve the treatment he gave her.

"I have consulted my family and they all agreed that I was being unreasonable. Please forgive me, Shinji-sama."

Shinji was petrified when the girl got on her knees and bowed to him as if she really meant the 'sama' part. On the other hand, maybe he was piss scared because she told her family that the great Shinji Ikari, egoistic savior of humanity, mistreated her in such a way and they were not out for his head. In fact, they asked Shinobu to beg for forgiveness. Then again, Shinji had no idea what sort of people the innocent girl meant by family or the sort of character she surrounded herself with.

'Ahh shit, now am I supposed to be miserable, self destructive angsty or is it angry asshole angsty?' Shinji questioned as he looked at the girl who flattened herself on the ground for him.

Reaching out with his hands, Shinji grabbed Shinobu by her shoulders.

"No, I'm sorry. Stand up, please."

"Shinji-sama, you're so kind," Shinobu looked up into Shinji's blue eyes and wiped her eyes on her sleeves.

From Shinji point of view, she was pretending. She cashed in on his kindness and used it against him. She twisted his own words like a sleazy politician talking doublespeak and turned the media against him.

'Evil ass bitch.' The mecha pilot was going to regret this.

Somehow, Shinobu managed to summon even more tears to extract massive amount of pity from him like a mercilessly cute puppy dog. Shinji gritted his teeth as the devious plan slowly reveal itself to him with the painful subtlety of Misato's suicidal battle plan. The adorable junior schoolgirl planned to put a wedge in his brotherhood with Kensuke and Touji.

"Kensuke-sempai, Touji-sempai, can you please leave us alone?" Shinobu pleaded with a perfect, cracking voice.

She probably practiced this scene many times at her own convenience. Touji was a real badass, a man among man. However, even his awesome male aura couldn't resist the pleading voice of a cute girl. Kensuke wanted to roll his eyes at the corny scene unfolding in front of his eyes, but he resisted for the sake of civility. How evil.

The sandy haired boy and the sports jock looked at their brother for a moment. It was the kind of look men of worldly power gave their compatriot to see if they had a common goal. It was the kind of look that says, 'Are you with me, or against me?'

If there was a Frenchman in Shinji, he made an appearance in an untimely moment. The mecha pilot who slayed approximately five Angels at this moment shied away from the question. Shinji pulled back like a battle tank with three reverse gears. Shinji fled like a cheese eating monkey.

"Let's go do something 'nerdy' like read a book," a pissed voice came from Kensuke.

"Fucking-A."

Before the duo left the scene, they gave a nasty look at the pussified Shinji.

'Traitor.'

* * *

Even the best homemade sushi fed straight into your mouth by a pretty schoolgirl tasted lame when you have just stabbed your best friends in the back. And that was what exactly Shinji felt like. It was made worse when the girl feeding you made it a point to shove the piece of sushi so deep that you could taste her fingers in your mouth. 

"Say 'yumm', Shinji-sama," Shinobu giggled as she picked another piece of sushi with a caviar topping.

"I had enough, thank you," the emperor of the rooftop stopped Shinobu from feeding him further.

Shinji felt miserable. This was a place sacred to the gang. Everything should be shared between them, no secrets too much for the gang. But he brought a woman here and fucked up the status quo. It was despicable that Shinji didn't protest when Shinobu asked Kensuke and Touji to leave.

Shinobu carefully replaced the cover on the bento and slipped next to Shinji before the boy could move away to make space. The dark haired girl pulled his arm into a deathlock and rested her head on Shinji's shoulder.

"Shinji-sama, don't you wish we could stay like this forever," Shinobu cooed.

"Well, there are classes and stuff..."

"We can skip classes, Shinji-sama."

"... the Angels might get us if I don't do something about them."

"You're so cool, Shinji-sama."

The school bell rang.

"It is time to move," Shinji tried to get up but he might risk losing his hand if he forced it.

Shinobu put all her weight on Shinji. The mecha pilot could feel her warm, beating heart through her thin shirt when she pressed her chest against him. Triggers in his head kicked into alarm mode as Shinji tried to look for a quick exit. Girls have many weapons to use against a guy and Shinji knew that well.

Having cornered her prey like a big cat, Shinobu made her move.

"Shinji-sama, would you like to come over to my home this weekend? It's a big comfortable inn with a hot spring."

We can have a lot of fun there."

Shinji shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

"I don't think it is acceptable for me to impose on your family," the mecha pilot tried to excuse himself.

"No, it's alright. We always have guests over and we hold party everyday there. It's really cool."

The blue-eyed boy looked from left to right, seeking excuses to get away from this situation.

"We're really late for class. Maybe, if I don't have any duty at Nerv this weekend..."

Shinobu took this as a big yes and proceeded to hug Shinji around the waist with all her strength.

"Yay, it's Saturday night then. You will be there on time, right, Shinji-sama?"

Shinji only sighed in defeat as the junior schoolgirl danced around him in jubilation. It was a thing of miracle that he was able to destroy powerful beings called Angel and still be able to be outwitted by a cute girl. Natural selection must be slacking in its job recently.

* * *

People crave for power. We all do. Humans create terms like equality to appease the have-nots, the weak, and the deprived. Someone will always be stronger, faster, smarter, luckier or just plain better looking. 

The history teacher, Mr Kutaragi, shot Shinji with a stern glare as the wayward student strolled into class ten minutes late. Shinji has challenged his authority. The pilot boy undermined his ability to keep his class under control.

Shinji could see the old coot rolling his eyes under the rectangular nerd glass. It was the same look many Nerv employees had when he walked around the base accompanied by either Misato or Ritsuko. They were all smiles but Shinji could detect the apprehension underneath the fake expression they held.

People hate you because they are weak and couldn't do shit about their situation.

The mecha pilot made his way to his desk without much fanfare. Touji and Kensuke gave him a sideway look but nothing more than that. They knew what he was up to at lunchtime and it didn't bode well with them. Shinji could see a wry smile coming from Asuka. It was a rare thing and she could possibly give her approval for playing truant.

A cold shiver ran down Shinji's spine as he was about the sit down. The cold glare from Mr Kutaragi followed him as he rest his posterior on the chair. The stare was intense and downright unnatural. Shinji could feel a pair of invisible hand running down his chest and went straight for his balls. The old bearded man could be a pedophile murderer and posing as a teacher in daylight. A predator in sheepskins.

"Ikari, will you please read from page 248, chapter 3?" A hollowed voice lacking in soul ordered Shinji.

Shinji got the message. The psychotic teacher wanted to show him that he was in control. This was his classroom and all the students were his slaves, even the pilots. Kutaragi was the king in this 20 by 40 expanse, and has total control over its subjects. As long as you're trapped within the four walls, his words, shall be heard.

Shinji put on his mildly panicking face, an expression he practiced often when Asuka drilled him into doing something for her. Faking a convincing frown, the mecha pilot rummaged through his bag and shook his head. He didn't plan not to bring the history textbook as he was very much a mess this morning.

"Then, Mizuhara, will you please read it for Ikari then?" Kutaragi mocked.

The clean and pleasant assistance representative stood without protest. He was the model Japanese student. Unquestioning, unassuming and always carry out orders to the letter. Shinji cringed in disgust as words polluted the classroom with the effect of a Nazi propaganda machine. Every single word was pronounced clearly and without mistake. Every others sentence was followed with a precise pause. It allowed the untrained brain to absorb the lies as facts.

"It took me this long to realize the reason why Ayanami and Asuka paid no heed in class. They did it not because they were too cool for class, but they knew the truth all along," Shinji mumbled to himself as Mizuhara droned on like a human loud speaker spewing hate and destruction toward people of other race and creed.

The unexperienced pilot knew the teacher was still locked on him, so he couldn't look around without causing suspicion. He fished a scratchpad from his bag and pretended to take notes on it as his classmate continued his hate speech.

Trying to get help from Ayanami was doomed to failure as the blue haired girl was fixated on the view outside; therefore Asuka was his only other option. Shinji scratched his ears and took a quick peek at the red haired girl. His roommate had a bored, yet focused look in her sparkling blue eyes. There was no further question; Asuka knew what was going on.

"Pssstt, Asuka."

Shinji crumbled the piece of paper in frustration and made another attempt to contact his only ally.

"Hey, Asuka."

Mr Kutaragi noticed the intrusion and took his opportunity to launch a pre-emptive strike and cut down enemy communications.

"Ikari, do you have any questions?"

The assistant class rep with the neat-gelled hair stopped reading as the whole class turned their attention toward to mecha pilot. Even Asuka shot an annoyed at Shinji.

'Shit, calm the fuck down, man.'

"No sir!" Shinji nearly barked military style. That was pretty smart for someone trying to lay low.

"Thank you Mizuhara. Will you please read chapter 4, Yokoshima?" the history teacher beckoned a spiky haired student at the back of the class.

The class returned to its original state. If docile, homicidal calm has a smell, it would smell like a semi-truck loaded with corpse of Ebola victims driven across a hot and humid jungle. The paranoid mecha pilot was paralyzed with fear.

"The walls are closing in... too much pressure to take, arrghhh," Shinji moaned in agony.

* * *

A/N: Personally, this is the baddest chapter up to this point. There are many writers out there who have wrote badass mainstream Eva characters fiction, but Hikari, that I have never seen before. She is really sweet in Paper Angel.. 

I have some crazy plans for her, however, I write slow as dick, so I may not be giving her so much screen time. But if you love power lusting Hikari, just drop a review and say "Hikari for President!"

Remember, people, if you enjoy this fic and didn't review, a puppy dies! You don't want to kill no cute little doggies now, do you? Just make yourself heard, and spread the word around.

_Next chapter: The path to angst shall lead to a shady inn called Love Hina. Tune in next week to see a very hot and dangerous Motoko Aoshima. If you think Motoko is one sweet badass in the original series, you ain't seen nothing yet, holmes!_


	5. Cultural Exchange

Disclaimer: NGE is the cash cow of Gainax. This work of fiction declare itself political agenda free.

* * *

"The walls are closing in... too much pressure to take, arrghhh," Shinji moaned in agony. 

The mecha pilot slumped on his desk with his tongue out like a dog. Shinji was slowly panting as his vision blurred. The classroom swirled around like a creepy looking milkshake devouring the world. Cold sweats poured down his face.

Mr Kutaragi began to sound like a voice recording played in slow motion.

"In 1937, Japanese sent peace keeping forces in China to restore democracy. Civil unrest in China caused more than 370,000 deaths in the span of two years."

Shinji grasped his head with both his hand as if he was afraid he might lose his head. His sight continued to swim in murky water and his hearing tuned out. His heart was probably beating a hundred fifty times per minute.

Then, suddenly it was all clear to him. Like a TV set with white static tuned back into a working channel, everything became crystal clear to him. In fact, clarity was so sharp it was like having the images of a naked 80-year-old grandmother burned into your retina.

"Evil western media blamed the failure to save the 370.000 lives lost on the Japanese government. They began a smear campaign and held us responsible for the casualties."

Dark patches marred Shinji's vision. His clarity now replaced with slug like patterns clouding his eyes. He tried to claw the invading creature out of his eyeball but to no avail.

"The propaganda which created the term 'Rape of Nanking' later became a world accepted lie. Our soldiers were there to protect peace and freedom in China. We were invited."

The darkness faded away as fast as it took away the light. For the first time, Shinji could see the lies beneath everything. The lies hidden behind an authoritative voice. The lies written between lines in a prominent newspaper with an obvious political slant. The lies propagated in schools; lies masquerading as education.

Shinji read the brainwashing motto plastered above the blackboard.

_"Silence is golden."_

_"Thou shall not run with your pants down."_

_"Having intercourse at the back of the class is strictly forbidden."_

Shinji blinked, hard. Then he read the motto again, until it was hammered into his mind.

'This is not a damn school. This is a motherfucking Nazi youth camp!' Shinji bit his finger as his brains went into hyper-mode.

'All these times, the teachers are trying to take our thoughts away. The school strips us of our ability to think, to act for ourselves, to differentiate truth from lies. Fuck education. They are just indoctrinating us with poisons.'

'What's wrong with being naked? What is so evil about having sex on a desk at the back of the class?'

'They are taking our voices away. Shut us up. Rob our rights as we stare on like a bunch of retarded onlookers. Skullfuck us in our sleep. Dammit, they could even be killing puppies all these times.'

Shinji looked at Mr. Kutaragi as the bearded man preached his version of truth to the class. The mecha pilot has reached a breaking point. It was a time to act for the good of humanity. His hand reached into his pencil box and retrieved the most powerful weapon contained in the metallic box. A fountain pen of mass destruction. If one is not careful, he could be stabbed in the balls with this instrument of writing. That would result in severe bleeding and most probably death if not treated immediately.

Shinji ran his hand over the smooth cylinder of the blue colored pen. His chair fell down in respect as he got up with style. In his right hand was a tool of destruction armed for some stabbity action. The students again gave their attention to the mecha pilot with the bloodshot look in his eyes. The whole class could smell murderous intent coming from the shy and generally peaceful boy.

"Ikari, do you have any...?" Kutaragi asked as he was oblivious to his violent fate.

Shinji answered the propaganda officer by charging at him with the fury of a hundred tornados tearing a box of newborn puppies apart.

"Freedom!"

Today, Shinji was a man.

* * *

Sometimes, you wake up and you feel like you didn't sleep even an hour. Once in a while, you wake up with a jolt, after dreaming about falling from a high place. Shinji Ikari, greatest mecha pilot in Tokyo 3 and possibly, the world - woke up with the feeling that he had fell into a pit full of angry fire ants before being doused with industrial strength acid. He wasn't surprised if someone told him he was also raped thoroughly by a pack of rottweilers. His body felt like utter shit. 

Shinji tried to open his mouth to speak but was restricted by PVC tasting object lodged in his oral cavity. He just had to resort to moaning then.

"Mmmhhh, grrrmmm, mmooohhh!"

A beautiful nurse greeted the currently incapable pilot. It was the first time Shinji went to the infirmary and with good reason. Even as his eyes refused to open fully, Shinji took a good look at the nurse with long, straight brown hairs and dark green eyes. He wouldn't be surprised if students faked accidents just to be here. It was worth it.

"Hello Shinji, I'm Yayoi Sanzein. You're in good hands, though I think you're doing pretty good compared to your friends," the nurse said with a chuckle.

The longhaired nurse placed a hand on Shinji's forehead and nodded to herself. Then she removed the intruding object in his mouth, which looked suspiciously like a SM ball gag he saw in hardcore pron. The red colored ball was discarded before he could get a good look at it.

Shinji tried to follow the nurse as she sat on a swivelling chair and crossed her arm over her ample bosom. He swore he could hear a few joints in his vertebra cracked as he twisted his neck to the side. His complain was halted by cold metal knocking on his head.

"Now, you might think you're one bad boy. But keep it up and even mutant healing powers may not save you," Yayoi chided.

Shinji stared in wild amazement as the good looking nurse returned what he thought - a katana - to her side as fast as she knocked his head with the weapon. The restrained hero turned his head back to its original position and stared straight at the white ceiling. Cold sweat formed in large beads as paranoid thoughts invaded his mind again.

'Oh man, she got a big ass sword right here. She's gonna kill me. I think I'm dead. Real freaking dead.'

"It is amazing that you survived the massive head injury the red haired girl inflicted on you - if her depiction of the event was not exaggerated," Miss Yayoi said as she turned her back on Shinji and gracefully opened a wall cabinet.

'Crap, I'm strapped here in this bed with no escape.'

"Three broken desk over your head and you were still going strong. You really did a number on Mr. Kutaragi."

Yayoi took a large plastic bottle from the wooden cabinet, shook it a little and uncapped the container.

"I couldn't believe a sweet looking boy like you would stab a teacher in the eye and incapacitate seven other boys who attempted to stop you. Your foreign friend told me that you were an animal back there."

Yayoi popped two tablets into her palm.

"Though I think smashing you in the cranium with furniture was a little excessive, you got to excuse her for she was not feeling too pretty after what you did to her."

Shinji gulped as he conjured a few scenarios as to what happened to Asuka, the volcanic girl.

The nurse motioned a finger around her left eye and clenched her fist.

"You must have hit her in the rampage. She wasn't really hurt though, in fact she requested that you're properly cared for before I gave her first aid. You must be really good friend with her as she insisted that you must be kept alive at any cost possible," Yayoi said with a brilliant smile.

Shinji returned the smile as much as his muscle could decide between going rigid and losing bladder control. The good news was, he got a choice between being killed by a beautiful nurse he had just met for no reason or he could go home and be sadistically tortured by his roommate before promptly executed. The bad news was, he was going to hell for killing angels and not being a vegetarian.

"Mr. Kutaragi is still alive if that is why you're shivering. It is a shame his eye was stabbed like a fork into meatball or it could has been saved."

The good looking nurse grabbed Shinji by his chin, forced his mouth open and dropped two tablets into it.

"It's aspirin. The cute girl with the wild blue hairs told me Nerv will come and get you later, so I didn't call the ambulance. You look okay to me, but you might have suffered head trauma and I don't have the equipment to diagnose you here."

Water slipped down his cheek as Yayoi poured water down his throat. The nurse sat down on the chair next to Shinji. Yayoi then leaned on the bed and positioned herself face to face with Shinji even as the boy tried his best to look away.

'Damn it, I'm not prepared for this. Mainstream religion never said anything about death being a beautiful nurse in tight sweater and miniskirt.'

"I'm going to be a real busy woman these coming days. Students will be coming in droves for post-trauma treatment. Even the classes which are on the next block will be dropping by; probably claiming they experienced sleepless night because they heard animalistic cries and blood freezing howls."

If Shinji gulped any harder, he could have swallowed his own tongue. Fear for his life and a strangely erotic emotion pumped his blood even harder as the seductive nurse drew circles on his chest.

"And do you have any ideas, who's the bad, bad, naughty boy who caused all these problems?"

Shinji closed his eyes and prayed to any dark gods who did not send the Angels.

'That's it. Good bye world. Good bye Rei. Eternity is a long time. Maybe someday I'll be as good as you at being dark and gloomy. But you won't be going to the bad, bad place I will be heading too. I will be alone for real this time. All the moaning and whining I have been doing will be for nothing.'

'In the end, it doesn't even matter.'

Soft and warm feelings enclosed Shinji like the wings of angels he never knew about. For the moment, he believed that God couldn't be possibly so vengeful if he was responsible for such a beautiful person.

"Thank you, Shinji. Thank you for saving all of us. I know you must be tired of all these nonsense placed on you. It is alright to cut loose sometime," Yayoi ended with a conspiratorial wink.

"No one will hold it against you for hurting Kutaragi. Besides, he was a rather unpopular teacher to begin with. He will be forgotten as time passes."

The nurse wiped a lone tear from Shinji's face.

"You're important, Shinji."

* * *

It would have been a heaven for Shinji to have the longhaired nurse drape herself over him like some sort of ultimate sleeping blanket with boobs and great smell. However, the straight jacket and thick leather straps placed evenly along the bed was starting to restrict blood flow above his neck. Every breath he took was a chore as the straps restricted his chest from expanding. It did not help with the fact that Miss Yayoi was currently resting her head on his chest. 

A few stray hairs came into contact with Shinji's nostril as he sucked in air. The light taste of honeydew was surprisingly calming and dangerous at the same time. The mecha pilot had a feeling he would go insane if this situation continued; if he was not a certified psycho already.

"Miss Yayoi, can you release me from all these restrains, please?"

The grown woman lifted herself from the young boy. It would be a complicated situation if someone were to stumble in at the moment. However, there were many problems Yayoi was prepared to rectify with her sword if diplomacy were to fail her.

"Promise me you wouldn't hurt yourself, Shinji?"

Shinji smiled as he imagined the other doctor he worked with to say similar words. Compassion was definitely not part of the mad scientist's vocabulary. Ritsuko would be more in character to say something along the line of "Don't worry Shinji, a human body can take up to 20,000 volt and lives. This is only half of it."

"I promise."

As Yayoi worked with the straps, divine beings conspired against Shinji Ikari. The mecha pilot thought he had it bad with God, the Man, the Lord, Creator etc. but in reality Luck was the one who hated his butt with a vengeance. There was only so much a mortal can do if some omnipotent being put in overtime just to make your life hell.

The school intercom system buzzed alive with a loud crack.

"Attention, Miss Yayoi, you're required in the gym. There is an accident. I repeat, Miss Yayoi, you're required in the gym."

The good nurse looked at the IPX phone at her desk and the young boy wrapped on the bed like a piece of delicious ham. After a slight evaluation, she decided that Shinji should stay in the clinic while she went to work.

"I will be back soon, Shinji."

"But..."

"You will be safe here," the beautiful nurse cooed, oblivious to the hideous plan the world had for Shinji.

* * *

It was the same shitty situation all over again. Only this time, Shinji didn't fight an Angel. And he was strapped to the bed like a violent criminal. Nonetheless, it was the same thing; trapped in an infirmary and left with a sketchy memory of what he had done. 

Shinji stretched his neck as the door to the clinic opened. It must be either Miss Yayoi or Nerv medics.

"Hello, Ikari," a voice that Shinji last expected to hear sounded from the doorway.

The limping form of Mr. Kutaragi sloshed into the room. He had a recently wrapped eye patch made of bandages and fresh blood was seeping through it. His facial muscle was contorted in a weird expression of extreme constipation. It was decided this man needed more greens in his diet.

"Teacher, I know this organic store which sells really cheap vegetable."

"Don't mock me, boy. How do you know I worked for PETA?" The grumpy history teacher made his way to Shinji's bedside.

"I don't do animals. I don't know what you're talking about!" Shinji protested from his bed.

"It's **People Enabling Terrorist Activities**, you fool. And don't ever associate me with those dogfuckers again!" Kutaragi rapped the defenseless boy on the head to make his point.

"You Nerv idiots are smarter than you let on. How long have you known I worked for PETA?"

The one-eyed history teacher had a tremendous urge to scratch his eye patch but stopped himself. Then he sat down on the swiveling chair and lit himself a cigarette. He waited impatiently for Shinji to answer to his crime.

"Answer me!"

"What are you talking about?"

Mr Kutaragi looked at his student at a moment, perhaps to see if the young boy was telling the truth. It was decided a little torture would be good education. The burning end of the cigarette lit brightly as took deep breath.

"Yarrghhhhhhhh!" The mecha pilot cried as the hand, which he did not use to masturbate, was singed with burning tobacco.

Kutaragi rewarded himself with a smug smile as stream of tears flowed from the cowardly boy. He flicked the ruined cig away and lit another one.

Gritting his teeth and summoning his courage to push the pain away, Shinji fought back.

"Miss Yayoi will be coming back soon."

He was replied with a gush of second hand smoke in his face.

"Hah, that's what you think, boy. I already took care of the dumb slut before coming here. You thought the call over the intercom was real?"

"You didn't hurt Miss Yayoi!"

The old and evil history teacher stood up and backhanded Shinji in the face.

"When I'm done with you, bitch, I'm getting a piece of that sweet Yayoi ass. Always jiggling her ass around like a slut. Every single male in the faculty has always fantasized about her. Fucking losers. I will be dangling her panties filled with my juice in front of those bastards and laugh in their face."

Shinji turned away as a mouthful of spit assaulted him. However, that was not the only thing that hurt him. This was not the first time he was made helpless, as the people who he cared about got hurt. Maybe Touji's sister didn't really count, but it still sucked. All those angsty music helped him to deal with his own pain, but it did nothing to relieve the one suffered by the people he cared about.

Sniffling a little, Shinji asked his prosecutor. "What did I do to you? Why are you doing this to me?"

Kutaragi turned the chair around and straddled it as he leaned on the backrest. He had a confident look in his face common to all James Bond villains that went on long exposition about how they were going to rule the world and make it a better place.

"Fourteen years ago, I had a daughter, just a few years older than you are now. She would have been hotter than Yayoi if she were still alive. One pretty little girl, she was Minami Kutaragi," the old history teacher cum environmental terrorist spoke in a story telling voice.

"I was working with Halliburton at the time and we lived in the States for a few years. Best years of my life if you ask me. I shouldn't have let her be too close to those white chicks, but damn, those were some hot asses she brought back to our home," Kutaragi continued with a sad smile on his face. Shinji figured it was more perverted than sad.

"Those Yankees, they were bad influences to little Minami. I have no idea what went wrong at that time, suddenly she just cut herself from me. Stopped talking to me. Perhaps I was to blame as well. Busy with work and all, not enough parenting, you know?"

Shinji nodded a little, not out of sympathy for his captor but somehow he knew what his criminal teacher was talking about.

"Then a colleague pointed to me a website maintained by my daughter. It was actually a blog. It got big enough that my boss questioned me about it. Do you know what she had in there?"

Shinji shook his head.

"Anti mega-corporation articles using my damn works as real life evidence. It was nothing damning, in reality. But someone got to be made a scapegoat and who was better than the father of the little anarchist?" Kutaragi blew the smoke upwards. Shinji could feel bitterness in his voice.

"I came back from office and found a letter on the dining table. I swore I pissed and shat blood for a week after the shook I took from being fired and reading the fucking letter in the same day. My little girl got herself in the Arctic with her gang of crazy Greenpeace terrorist to protest against the oil drilling sponsored by a defunct predecessor of Nerv; Gehirn."

Kutaragi shot Shinji with an accusing look. "You're a pilot. You know what really happened next, don't you?"

"It was not Nerv fault a comet decided to visit at that time."

A rough hand choked Shinji.

"It was not a god damned comet. I did my research before I joined PETA. Your people were testing a new type of weapon there. Some kind of prototype explosive device that would change the global balance of power. I forgot what was the rest when the PETA geek briefed me."

"It doesn't change the fact that your greedy fuck corporation killed my daughter!" Kutaragi rose in righteous anger.

Mr Kutaragi then punched Shinji twice before the Nerv employee had a chance to defend himself vocally. The history teacher who was revealed to be an environmental terrorist looked around the infirmary for a very important item.

Wrapping a white towel around his head, he proclaimed, "Today, Tsurugi Kutaragi dies…"

… a ridiculously large safety pin clipped the towel snuggly into place, completing the ritual.

"… and reborn as Abdul Ahmed!"

* * *

A/N: Yayoi Sanzein is the school nurse in Happy Lesson(Advance). You can check out how she looks like here, (photobucketcom/albums/b120/puppyslayer/paperangel). Anyway, I hope I didn't go overboard with the use of ACC and some minor character from other anime series. It helps me visualize the scene. Then again, I do know that people read Eva fics for canon character. Thanks for staying with me, the next chapter will feature more characters from the show. 

George Lucas makes political commentary in his creation. PuppySlayer don't. Hopefully, no one took the last scene as a jab at minorities. Please give a comment if you assume it was done in bad taste.

Props:

Hououza: This is a real swell guy. Go read his fic.

RyoTD, RustyKnights, Kadmon, Ignorantly Grinning: You got your wishes.

SephirothV16: Keitaro will be… different.

Rgreat: There will be enough evilness to go around, but Shinji's going to take some time.

Elijah Snow: Yes, Shinobu is a biological weapon of mass kawaiiness. And your old history teacher must be really cool. Heh.

And thanks to all the other reviewers, peeps from Evafics and Evamade and forums that I don't know about.

_Next chapter: Shinobu got to wait. Shinji had a lesson in unusual method of interrogation from a friendly Section Two agent and learned the importance of respecting foreign cultures. Taking advantages of all the fear and confusion in the school, Hikari knew it was her opportunity to put a boot in the face of democracy._


	6. Unusual Method of Interrogation pt1

Disclaimer: NGE and related stuff are owned by the evil Gainax corporation. This work of fiction declares itself political agenda free.

**Extra warning: This chapter contains not-so-extreme graphic scenes, which might be sensitive to some of you. Puppyslayer advises you to take your medication before reading this.**

**

* * *

**

The hostage taker formerly known as Tsurugi Kutaragi opened his arm wide and embraced the air of superiority granted from his drastic transformation.

"Four years, Shinji, I worked undercover for four bloody years just to get my sweet revenge. Do you know how much I suffered here as a teacher? Asshole students were bad enough but being called a pedophile by the faculty was the shit. Those hypocrites, they probably had more hidden camera in the girls changing room than I have pron in my computer."

Then Abdul Ahmed, the man formerly known as the history teacher of class 2-C took notice of a katana lying on a wall nearby.

"I hang on to my position here as an undercover for PETA, ceaselessly collecting information of the pilots placed here. First, it was Ayanami. My hate for that blue haired slut has no bound. You have no idea how much restrain a grown man got to exert to stop himself from masturbating all over the photos collected for purely scientific research."

The bounded mecha pilot stared on with abject fear as he observed the crazed men with a towel wrapped on his head, playing with the katana owned by Miss Yayoi. His anger was also bubbling, upon hearing the sort of desecration on his goddess of angst.

"Those dickweeds back in HQ used me like a dog, but I persisted. Get the hairs of Ayanami, they say. Retrieve her panties. Snap photos of her from every angle you can possibly imagine. Collect every single article used by her; tampoon, facial tissue, etc. All of it was done in the name of information gathering."

"They patted my back and stated that the evidence I brought back would destroy Nerv and put the mega corporations backing it into questioning. They told me I was moving the organization one step closer to the truth."

The man currently known as Abdul Ahmed cried a little and wiped his tears on his shirtsleeve.

"I was a broken man, Shinji. I lost my job and my precious little girl. It was all I had. These fucking assholes; they approached me and used me. Gave me a purpose. A mission. They knew what I wanted and they manipulated me. Told me it was for the good of mankind and all that sappy shit I never cared about until now. I mean, all those saving the environment bull crap was propaganda supported by shady politicians who were in bed with corporations dealing with highly inefficient alternative fuels."

"You do know that we're living in a world where everyone pretends to do good to screw you over, don't you?"

Shinji nodded reluctantly. "Yeah."

"Don't pretend to understand me, punk. I lost everything and these fucking buttlickers... they used my anger. They made me do things I couldn't imagine myself doing four years ago. They took away my honor, stripped my dignity away and left this empty shell here before you."

"First, it was just innocent photos of Rei in her school uniforms. Later, the order became explicit, and I was working overtime just to satisfy those ass kissers sitting behind their large desk. You work with Ayanami, you know how it is with her. Her beauty is a terrible thing. It destroys and inspires men to do great thing, at the same time. She corrupts everything she touches."

An ugly mask took over Shinji as the young hero creased his brow and snarled at the psychotic criminal.

"You misunderstood Rei."

"You're just in denial, kid. That's a sign of mental poisoning. You don't realize it and most probably never will, but she already had your mind under her influences. Sooner, your soul will fall to her grip too. She's addictive and I knew it too well. Years of vengeance harbored against Nerv mellowed after I was exposed to her. My trained focus slipped out of my asscrack like a bad case of diarrhea. My head was goddamned Pearl Harbor without Michael Bay. She destroyed me. Rei Ayanami is a monster."

Shinji spitted at his captor. "You will never say such things at Rei again. I will threaten you with severe bodily harm!"

Ahmed gripped Shinji by his chin and made the mecha pilot looked straight into his eyes.

"This is what exactly I was talking about, boy. Ayanami is a destructive goddess who turns man against man. She twists the soul of man and drives them insane. She is chaos to order. If you ever believed that you have a snowball chance in hell to love her, then Allah bless your cursed soul. She will take everything you had to offer her and dump it at her feet. If that is not humiliating enough, she will make you clean it up with your tongue and you will do it willingly," Ahmed said it in the exasperated tone of a desperate man eager to impart all his knowledge.

"You're insane!" Shinji cried as he tried to shut out all the insulting words at Rei.

"Words are she is not even human to begin with. However, those PETA scientist cooks up conspiracy theories fueled by anime and comics while stoned shit. They say she was made in a lab, cobbled together by body parts of Angels like some kind of modern Frankenstein. The other side of the geekdom claimed that she is some sort of interdimensional demon - like that crazy ghost who crawls out of your monitor and stab you in the face for downloading illegal MP3. It could be possibly true, if Rei works for MPAA and not Nerv," Ahmed pondered for a moment.

"You people are out of your damn minds!"

Shinji struggled against the bonds holding him back from unleashing his righteous anger to the rambling old man.

"I was out of my mind, kiddo. Until you came to this school, Shinji," the zany terrorist stroked Shinji's face softly.

"You saved me from my obsession with Rei Ayanami. You freed me from her icy clutch. You returned my passion for vengeance; to take everything from Nerv and deliver justice to the world."

The mecha pilot twisted his head to a side, as the old man got too close for comfort. The unwashed breath coming from his hostage taker was becoming too unbearable.

"Shinji, my dear, do you know about Sodom and Gomorah?" Ahmed said in a sweet tone.

A sweaty palm found its way on Shinji's heaving chest.

"You're just like a biblical angel, sent to Earth to save men from vile corruption. And look what happened to the angels sent to Sodom?"

The young boy breathed heavily as the creepy old man was practically on top of him.

"We raped them, Shinji."

A freezing chill went down his spine as Shinji felt a sloppy and wet appendage ran across his cheek and twirled around his ears. The intruding organ molested the fold in his ear before it retreated. It was the longest moment in his life and it ended with a trail of drool slipping down his neck.

"Get away from me, you sick fuck!"

Shinji thrashed wildly on the bed as the straps refused to give way to his burning anger. Heaven would have stood still in awe if Shinji was allowed to break free and enacted his vengeance on his captor. That was the only reason why the man formerly known as Kutaragi was still breathing.

"You will be the sacrificial lamb to the sins of man, Shinji. Your blood will cleanse the crime of man and give us salvation. Be proud that you are the chosen one, and accept your fate."

The mecha pilot only stared on the towelhead with a murderous glare. Shinji now knew what was hate. He also found out first hand that there are animals out there masquerading as humans. They deserved no rights to live and their fellow sympathizers should be executed as well, if not for being an accomplice, then at least for the crime of ignorance. Despite what civilized society told him all his life, there are many people who are not born with the right to live and should not be given a chance.

The environmental criminal stood with the unsheathed katana next to Shinji. The boy could see the shine on the well sharpened blade.

"After your death, Shinji. I will take Rei and escape from this place. We will live happily ever after in a remote island far away. There will be great sex and acts of debauchery the porn industry has no words to describe. Life will be so sweet." The words from the psychotic terrorist were all poison to Shinji.

"On second thought, I should also take that German girl with me. Bwahahaahah!"

"You will not take Rei from me." The words that came from the young boy were not his.

Ahmed's fantasy with the blue haired goddess took a hike as he stood in awe at the relatively harmless threat coming from the boy strapped on the bed. The criminal never had an encounter with Gendo nor heard the voice of the Nerv Commander, but if he had, he would experienced the same illogical fear that gripped him at the moment.

"Your threats are empty, boy. Now, prepare to die!"

The tip of the katana was aimed at Shinji's heart as the terrorist prepared to drive it straight down and kill his hostage.

* * *

It is a thing to wonder; if god really existed, and it was him that sent all the Angels, then could he just skip all the grandstanding and zap everyone who stood against him like the old school god from Old Testament? Why bother playing with the rules he probably created when he was drunk off his ass? Why send his soldiers to die because of some idiotic message he wrote when he was sitting in the loo? 

God could have come out at the end of the world and say "People, there will be no fireworks and free flowing beer until the end of time. Now get the hell out of here. I don't care where, shoo" and just end it all. Put the chairs on the tables, switch off the lights, lock the door on the way out and be done with it. He is god, whatever he says goes. You're not going up to him with an army of lawyers and shove the Dead Sea Scroll in his face and demand that he keep his end of the bargain.

Well, people say God works in a mysterious way. But one thing you can be sure of; God has a hard on for a boy called Shinji Ikari.

* * *

**Kablooieee!**

The door to the clinic was blown apart, sending shards of wood pummeling towards the would-be executor with the fashionable headwear. Ahmed was caught surprised when the flying doorknob hit him in the face.

His grip loosened and the katana fell on a leather strap and bounced harmlessly to the floor. Shinji breathed in relief as the sword could have given him a serious piercing in his belly.

"Put down your weapon and assume the position!"

Shinji tilted his head upwards and recognized his savior. It was a particular Section Two agent who stood out among the men in blacks. For starters, he was a bald white man with an unshaven look that was so badass that he made Kaji a flaming homosexual. Second, he wore an open flannel shirt with a white-T underneath and still commanded authority like nobody.

"Mr Mclane!" Shinji shouted in excitement.

The tough agent stepped into the scene with a shotgun leading the way. The man eyed the creepy Japanese guy slowly getting up while rubbing his bloody nose. Then agent Mclane glanced at the pilot boy who was bound like a hog and confirmed he was safe and sound. He approached Ahmed and gave him a vicious boot in the face.

With the barrel of his gun still levered at the downed criminal, Mclane deftly removed the leather straps holding Shinji down. The mecha pilot immediately got up and caught his breath. There will be hell to pay.

Satisfied that his target was secured, John Mclane kicked Ahmed on the shoulder and rolled the man on his back.

"Who do you work for?" Mclane growled in a manly way that the French could only dream of.

Spitting some blood out, Ahmed appeared indignant. "I'm Abdul Ahmed and I want a lawyer. Now get off me."

The environmental terrorist knew his right and was briefed explicitly on the protocol when captured by authority. Nerv was responsible for one of the most powerful weapon known to mankind but the organization was not all-powerful. They still had to contend with pressures from the government, NGOs and media. This was the gift of civilization and Ahmed was all prepared to abuse it.

Mclane clubbed him in the face again, mauling his nose into a mess of flesh and blood. Ahmed moaned in pain as he covered his face with both of his hand to reduce blood lost.

"I don't have time for these bullshit. Tell me what I need to know. Who do you work for?"

Shinji answered with a cold tone. "He claimed he works for PETA."

The agent glanced back at the young boy standing behind him, nursing his wrist, and considered his words for a moment. He returned his attention to the old teacher again. With a wry smile, Mclane choked Ahmed, using his shotgun like a torturous chin-up bar.

"Ackkk, cough, garghh"

"Do you work for the dogfuckers? Speak!" Mclane pressed on with the new found information.

"Arghh, I don't know what you're talking about."

The burly agent pushed the shotgun upwards, pushing Ahmed's neck in the same direction. Well, they say, 'No pain, no gain.'

"Tell me what I need to know!"

Ahmed coughed wildly and looked like he choked on a fishbone the size of a whale. His eyes bulged out, threatening to go pop if the pressure keeps up. Both of his hands were stretched straight like frozen stick of branch. An unconscious smile appeared on Shinji as he looked at the comical way Ahmed's legs were twitching. He frowned as the agent let go.

"Cough... like the kid said, I worked for PETA. As in People Enabling Terrorist Activity. I'm not saying anymore than this."

Mclane slipped a free hand into his pants pocket and retrieved a special handphone that all S2 agents carried. The clamshell phone was flipped open in a smooth action that would have looked sweet on television. Three buttons later and the agent was connected.

"Mclane here. I got an enemy agent here working for PETA. No, not the dogfuckers. I know these people. Get a IED (Improvised Explosive Device) disposal team here, ASAP."

Shinji observed as the foreign agent contacted what he assumed was his superior officer. It seemed there was a conflict of interest.

"Listen, Fujiwara, I'm trying to do my job here and I can make do without your crap. The lives of the pilots are in danger."

"Find more information about this guy, Abdul Ahmed."

Mclane then turned to Shinji and asked him," What's his name when he is your teacher?"

"Tsurugi Kutaragi," Shinji answered with disgust as he looked at the pathetic form lying on the ground.

"Formerly known as Tsurugi Kutaragi. Upload it into my PDA. Quick. There are lives here to be saved, Fujiwara," the bald agent pressed.

A slight pause.

"What do you mean the database is being updated? You guys are always doing something with the database at crucial moments."

Shinji cocked an eye at the interaction taking place.

"Last week, it was Soyuz crashing into our satellite. Then the ISS (International Space Station) got in our way. What now, clowns from outer space?" Mclane shouted into his phone as his request for information was stalled.

As the agent closed his phone and planned to resume interrogation, Shinji stopped him. He remembered clearly all those ugly truth said to him, but he wanted confirmation. The mecha pilot needed to know if this was all a bad joke taking place and in reality, his teacher was just a little cranky because he accidentally stabbed him in the eye. The good guy in Shinji came back as rational thought returned to his head.

"Is he... is Kutaragi really a terrorist?" Shinji wanted to believe his old teacher was not a psychotic criminal hellbent on hurting the pilots and destroy Nerv.

The tough, bald man in open flannel shirt frowned in disapproval and shoved a finger at Shinji.

"Damn it, Shinji, you can't be throwing around terms like _'terrorist'_ just because these guys have _alleged_ ties to alleged terrorist organizations, and were _allegedly_ connected to an activity that might be considered by some to be terrorist in nature!"

"This is a fuck up political correct world we are living in, Shinji. By associating a Muslim with acts that could be terroristic in nature, you could piss off the whole Muslim community. We need their support in this war against the Angels and we shouldn't do anything that could undermine the effort to maintain a solid relationship with them."

The mecha pilot listened with his mouth agape at the lecture, which seemed a little shocking considering the action that was taken by Agent Mclane moments ago. His brain was still processing the bits of information assaulting his mind. It was obvious Misato needed to give him more training on this type of issues.

"Mr Mclane, but Kutaragi is just a old man with a new Arab sounding name and a towel on his head?" The confused boy pointed at the moaning old man.

The big burly man put both his hand on Shinji's shoulder and assumed a softer stance compared to his earlier lecture. The pilot looked at the agent and wondered for a moment if his life wouldn't be so screwed if someone as strong and knowledgeable as Agent Mclane was there to guide him. Well, he just had to be satisfied with a beautiful drunkard called Misato.

"Shinji, it shows how ignorant you are when it comes to foreign culture. You're as insensitive as a hygienic conscious hobo. Nevertheless, ignorance is also strength."

"If this towelhead here is a Muslim, then we have to handle him with extra care, do you understand?"

Shinji nodded quietly.

"For example, a Muslim must never be interrogated by beautiful females because their religion strictly forbids it. And they cannot be allowed near canines because dogs and puppies are creatures of pure evil. We usually use bears to intimidate them, or rabid raccoons when we are all out of bears. It works either way."

Shinji nodded again and had a question to ask.

"I know what you want to ask. No, there is no religion out there that strictly stated that the worshipper must only be interrogated and tortured by good-looking women. I spent some time searching the database and the only thing that came close was this cult in the 7th century that allowed the worshippers to be fucked by dogs if they choose trial by fire."

"That is nothing close," Shinji sound annoyed.

"It's better than nothing to some people."

"So, if Kutaragi is not a Muslim then is he not subjected to any kind of special rights?" Shinji folded his arm and stared coldly at the terrorist of unknown religion lying on the floor.

"What did I tell you, kid? There any many alternative religions out there and you got to respect all of them because they are our brothers in this war against Angels and we shouldn't do anything that could undermine the effort to maintain a solid relationship with them."

The pissed mecha pilot felt like unloading some firearms at the moment before screaming in frustration like his favorite western artist. It would do well for his anger management because Shinji was at boiling point at the moment. However, Shinji was just satisfied slapping himself in the head.

"Ok, I get it Mr Mclane. You can stop the whole - working with people of other creed and race right about now. Answer my question, if Kutaragi is just an ordinary Japanese citizen then is he subjected to our laws? Nerv laws."

Ahmed chose the moment to interject. "Hah, in your dreams, Shinji. I will be charged in an International court for being an armed combatant of a foreign country. My organization and all the liberal medias will be putting pressure on those pansies judge and I will be released in no time. Bwahahahaah!"

Shinji frowned in disgust and anger as he realized what the weasel said had truth in it. The world he lived in made no sense at times. Why does a terrorist who committed crimes in his homeland get to have a trial in some yuppie country full of white people? What logic does it make to have representative judges from other countries giving their 2 cents on a criminal who committed crimes in Japan and killed its citizens? Is it even possible for a judge from some backwater country in Africa to feel the same pain as a proud citizen of Japan when the said judge was in bed with genocidal dictators?

Then the mecha pilot studied his hand - the pair of limbs that was instrumental in the destruction of giant monsters called Angels. It was so simple when it was just he and the Angels. Enemies were meant to be destroyed with the most direct and effective method. Misato was given this responsibility to ensure the total annihilation of these creatures called Angels. Nerv did not give the monster a chance to surrender or negotiate. Shinji knew there would be only one outcome when an Eva engages an Angel. It was pathetically ironic that dealing with a human could be so troublesome compared to fighting monstrous entities hellbent on the destruction of mankind.

The angry pilot knelt down next to Ahmed and pulled him up by the collar. The oldman, despite bleeding all over his face still had a cocky look. Shinji promised himself to remove this dirt from existence if he kept it up.

"Do you really mean it when you say you will take Rei... away from me?"

Blood slipped down his neck as the man formerly known as Kutaragi spoke. Some strength seemed to have returned to his frail body as he supported himself with his elbow. Shinji figured it would make the torture more entertaining if the old man was up and about.

"You believe a mortal like you can please Ayanami? She's a goddess. A man would only burn himself by loving her. She is like a nuclear furnace to a moth. You will destroy yourself, Shinji."

It was Mclane turn to look confused at the whole scene. He knew the old man was referring to the first pilot but why was he talking about her in such a manner, that he didn't have a clue about.

"Don't you understand? I'm saving you by taking her away from everyone. You weaklings would be corrupted by her charm and unearthly beauty. You do not stand a chance, Shinji. I'm doing you a favor here," the lunatic with the bloody face ranted.

Picking up the katana that was getting restless on the floor, Shinji gave the terrorist an ultimatum.

"Make my day."

* * *

A/N: This chapter is made to be intense, and so if you feel crept out reading the scene where Kutaragi/Ahmed is doing something nasty with Shinji, then I've achieved what I set out to do. 

There are quite a number of Rei and Shinji fics out there - but if you look carefully, it is always about how Shinji _alone_ thinks that she is a goddess of sort. I don't mean to bash these fics because there are good stuff among them and I have not even decided if I wanted to write R/S.

Anyway, I decided to put perspective into hyperbole here. If Rei is really that crazy beautiful, wouldn't she attract all kind of people, especially creepy psychos like Kutaragi? So, what would Shinji do if he sees himself as a true believer against the horde of heretics going apeshit over his goddess? Would he stand against the wave of unwashed heathens and cut them down as he sees fits or would he cower in shame and live without the grace of Ayanami?

This is one long ass scene and I'm not done with it yet. Looks like Hikari wouldn't be getting some action until the next chapter. There will be females in the next chapter, I promise. I know you people are already getting sick of bloody and sweaty men with all the macho posturing.

Adam Kadmon: That's why school should ban dangerous stuff like pens. More stabbity action to come.

Rusty Knights: Hmm, Shinji will most probably head home and engage Asuka in Mortal Kombat pit fighting style.

Hououza: I hope you're still sane after this chapter.

SephirothV16Six: There, I got it right this time. There will be the LH chicks and Naru will be a slut… somewhat.

Andrew Joshua Talon: Heh, but Sups couldn't be running a 'shady' inn now, could he?

_Next chapter: The trip to Hinata Inn has to wait. Shinji found out that 49 percent of the remaining earth population was against the war with Angels. He also found out that their opinions mean shit if Rei Ayanami was endangered by their retarded policies. In other news, Gendo realized that his useless and pathetic son was actually more trouble than he was worth. Furthermore, there were not enough babes working in the Geofront Maximum Security Wing._


	7. Unusual Method of Interrogation pt2

Disclaimer: NGE is an Angel killing reality tv animation series and shouldn't be watched by vegetarians, dog lovers, PETA members and people who hates mega corporations. The same apply to this fanfic.

* * *

Two burly men in black stepped aside to let the depressed Shinji Ikari back into his apartment. Instead of being greeted by warm welcomes from lovely females living with him, only the sound from the brain killing box acknowledged his presence. The boy had a hell of a day at school and he was too worn out to deal with any other shit his fiery roommate may throw at him. 

As the door to Shinji's lovely suite creaked open, Asuka turned around from the couch and stopped him.

"Hey, you look like you can use an icepack yourself," Asuka said with a mild sarcastic tone as she dabbed her left eye with a cold towel.

The only male in the house wanted to be surprised or at least act miserable. Asuka's injury was caused by him but he had gone through a day with explosions, terrorist attacks, interrogation, torture and general violence. A half hearted apology came out from his broken lips.

Asuka went back to her anime and hid a weak smile.

"Forget it. You were just lucky. Why don't you come over here and tell me what happened at the school?

"Misato was all panicking and shitting her skirt when she called me," Asuka said.

Shinji moved next to Asuka and sat down. The German girl could feel the room got colder with the presence of the gloomy boy.

"There was a… terrorist attack at the school," Shinji hesitated at the use of the word terrorist as he remembered the sagely advise of Agent Mclane.

However, he believed Asuka wouldn't be bothered with being political correct. She would call a pedophile a pedophile and not some dude that is 'outside the border of socially accepted behavior with an interest in young children that might range from mild to medically severe.' Asuka was the type of person that gets things done. She wouldn't restrict herself with retarded red tapes and policies.

"Damn, should have stayed around then. I could use some serious death and destruction. Things are really getting dull around here with the Angels taking a long, extended vacation to god knows where. Go straight to the exciting part, Shinji," Asuka beckoned.

Shinji brought his knees up and wrapped his hands around his legs. Asuka was someone he knew not to bother with pathetic details but he desperate needed to share his tales with someone; a fellow warrior who lived in between life and death.

Suppressing the urge to cry, Shinji condemned himself, "I nearly killed a man today."

Asuka shoved her hand into a bag of chips and grabbed a handful of salty snacks. People getting near death experience was hardly news these days.

"Really?"

"I hurt someone. Badly."

The pilot of Eva-02 swallowed the junk food and leaned back on the couch into a more relaxed position.

Shinji was still sitting rigid next to her.

"Is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

The male mecha pilot stared with disbelief at his fellow roommate and warrior. While Asuka was often violent, he sincerely believed that Asuka was someone who would protect the weak and fight for justice, despite what her mouth might say.

"I didn't wish it that way. It all happened so fast. Anger just took over and all I could see was the imminent destruction of Kutaragi. Asuka, I was beating up a defenseless old man. I even participated in the intense interrogation that followed. I did all these horrible acts because I want to. It was wrong."

A wicked smile appeared on Asuka as she finished the can of Coke.

"I always knew you are the type to beat up some pathetic invalids, Shinji. So what's wrong with the picture here?"

Shinji got a little angered at the lack of sympathy for fellow human beings, even if Kutaragi was a terrorist.

"It was wrong, Asuka, don't you get it? I went against the system. It was so horrible… I just went nuts and took action into my own hands. I became some sort of psycho vigilante with capes and all, running around correcting things that I see wrong. Normal people don't do that. They go and make police report like everyone else and maybe get some psychiatric counseling while waiting for the outcome."

Though Asuka maintained an indifferent look, she knew Shinji was slowly adopting the mentality of a liberal dickweed. Asuka always thought that his lack of confidence was due to non existence success in academic and sports or not being popular at school.

Now she knew that Shinji's pathetic-ness was mostly contributed by cowardly society's pressure and terrorist supporting liberal media, she had a plan to bring Shinji out of his personal quagmire of lameness.

"Right, you went against the system. Did the law do anything when we go outside there and annihilate an Angel with full prejudice? Does the UN – for all its utopian fantasy – ask us to deliver an Angel to the International Court in Hague for the full run of justice? For all we know, when Nerv get disbanded, we are all going to be charged for crimes against humanity. Angels are humans too, by your definition, and we  
killed them all like unborn childs laden with AIDS, " said Asuka with bitter sarcasm.

Shinji shook his head in denial and rambled on.

"But Angels are different. They are trying to kill us all. Their actions are headed toward the extinction of mankind. They are…. bad."

Asuka rubbed her head and sighed. She was going to convince Shinji that his relative reasoning sucks no matter how.

"Yeah, the Angels sure are different. Have you ever thought that – when an Angel steps on humans, it could be their way to say hello back on the planet they came from? What evidence do you have to prove that Angels are here to commit planet wide genocide? Humans killed more humans in a any single day than all the Angels attack combined."

"If you want to go even further; Angels could possibly be crazy aliens. What do you do with mentally sick criminals here, Shinji? We send them to the asylum. So what do you recommend for a mentally incapable giant alien, Dr Ikari? A progressive knife between the eyes, 3 times a day?"

The stern but soothing voice of Asuka Sohryu was a new experience to Shinji. All the time he lived with the temperamental redhead, he had only seen the generally unreasonable side of her. The one where she was always demanding for things because she claimed to be a superior being and therefore deserved to be serviced by a slave like him. Seeing the other side of Asuka which does not involve throwing out the tv set in a fit of rage pushed her ratings a bit closer to the unchallenged blue haired goddess.

"I don't know anymore, Asuka."

A smooth skinned hand with slender fingers caught Shinji's forearm which was resting on the couch. As Asuka leaned closer, the sexual tension multiplied, generating enough electricity to power fifty big screen TVs showing high definition pornography for the whole day. Powerful blue orbs stared down Shinji with the same intensity of a non homophobic starring competition between two muscle bound wrestlers. Shinji felt like shying away from the crazy beautiful girl, who was more crazy than beautiful at the moment. But instinct told him he would not go anywhere without leaving his arm on the couch as deposit.

"There shall be no more doubts, Shinji."

Shinji was afraid to ask her what she meant by that, so he only nodded. Well manicured fingernails dug into Shinji's forearm to emphasis upcoming rhetoric by the German girl. The television screamed for attention, but ignored by the teens.

"In this Global War on Angel, there can be no doubts, no hesitation. Only the two of us stands between the Angel and freedom for all mankind. Sacrifices will be made, Shinji. There is no such thing as a war without casualties. There are enemies in human skins fighting hidden wars against us. They side with their vicious, cold blooded, reptilian masters to overthrow the good guys - us. These people are everywhere. It can be Bob the hotdog stand's guy, Takeshi the ramen stall owner, or it can be Mr. Lee, the communist scum living across the street, molesting our women like the evil foreigner he is."

The dark patches of cancerous thoughts in Shinji's head festered as Asuka fed him with logical paranoia, answers to his questions which he was always afraid to ask in this political sensitive time. The once innocent boy always wondered why the anti war protestors acted the way they did. Those street protests haunted him like a hardcore pedophile in a clownsuit as he watched live news featuring hippies carrying placard which accused him of killing babies and raping women. But first, there were questions

Shinji needed to clear up before Asuka could convince him to join her crusade.

"Question: When did we start calling this angel exterminating business as the Global War on Angel?"

Asuka frowned a little at the lack of trust Shinji was showing. That boy should be in the 'Anger' stage right now and not questioning the details. Nevertheless, the Aryan princess would eventually get her man. Right now, she needed to concentrate weeding out the unnecessary conceptions Shinji thought was the norm.

"Watch Fox News sometime, you ignorant fool. They started calling it the Global War on Angel a year ago even though the fighting was primarily done in Japan. Angel attacks have not occurred in any other country, but what is stopping them from doing so? The world needs to be prepared for it. Anyone that thinks they are excluded from this war for political or ideological reason is a traitor to mankind. The Angel will come for you, whether you're Muslim or Christian, capitalist or evil communist. The Angel does not care whether you use gas saving hybrid car or pray to the same darkgods that the Angel served."

Shinji gaped his mouth at the vigorous speech given by the fiery redhead. All his time at Nerv, no one had spoken to him about the importance of his battle with Angels. Shinji knew that some serious shit would happen if the Eva's are defeated but no one had walked up to him to shake his hand and thank him for allowing that person for living another day. On the other hand, there were countless other psychos who wanted to kill him for destroying their chance to return to their alien birthplace and sort.

Shinji wanted to just jump into the religion Asuka was selling but there was another issue that irked him.

"What about Rei? She is in this Global War on Angel as much as any of us. In fact, she was the first."

Though Shinji didn't realize, it was the first time he mentioned Rei in a positive light in Asuka's presence.

Upon hearing the cursed word, Asuka showed her pretty sets of mandible, which might feel good, if applied lightly on a penis. Shinji cringed in pain as nails dug deeper into his forearm.

"What does Rei got to do with this conversation?"

Shinji fought back the pain and voiced his thought again.

"You always leave out Rei as if she is...part of something else. I mean, we should be together if the situation is as dire as you said. If the world is against us, then we need her strength in this war," Shinji spoke up, a rare thing, indeed.

Asuka calculated her options. A childish provocation such as "You like Rei, don't you?" might push Shinji to the darkside. With the sudden burst of confidence with things related to Rei, she didn't want to mudsling the bluehaired bimbo so early in this game of manipulation. Asuka wouldn't consider the albino slut to be her rival yet, but Rei was obviously an irritant needed to be dislodged from Shinji's stubborn head.

"Shinji, I understand how you feel - that we need all the help we can get, especially from a person that is fighting beside us. But Rei is different," Asuka lied with ease.

All she wanted to do at the moment was slap Shinji around and tell him not to ever look at the blue haired succubus again. Asuka faked a cough and continued.

"Ayanami, she is fighting for a goal different from us. She is not fighting for freedom and justice, I can assure you. She is definitely a megalomaniac. Do you realize that she never talks when she is in the Eva? She loves the power given by the war machine. It surrounds her with an aura of invincibility. This kind of self centered thinking cuts her off from us, which is why she never talks. She only cared to abuse the authority given to her, the opportunity to control an Evangelion. She wanted only to prove her strength by piloting," Asuka slandered, unaware of the hypocrisy bleeding from her mouth.

Asuka's wildly off-course statement hurt Shinji, as the image of the pure and innocent Rei Ayanami was tarnished in his mind. While the young boy could never claimed to understand the mysterious girl, he never imagined that Ayanami was the type to rip off his heart and laugh at his idiocy like those slutty and popular girls at school.

"No, that is not true. Ayanami protected me when we fought with the diamond shaped Angel thing that shoots lava. She stood in front of me and took a shot in the face. There is no way she can be a bad guy. She even smiled at me when I rescued her from the penis shaped pressure cooker. You got to be there to believe it, but Ayanami looked awesome even if she was being boiled alive. I don't know what's her secret to looking fresh 24/7 but maybe you can ask her the brand of pads she use," Shinji beamed ignorantly as he recalled the nice memories with Rei.

Potent anger stirred within Asuka as she unwittingly blown opens a pressure valve of Rei goodliness from Shinji Ikari. Unwanted details streamed from the mouth of a fanatic as Shinji spoke volumes on the miracles carried out by the blue haired whore. Violence thoughts against the ignorant boy were starting to look feasible.

Holding back an angry growl, Asuka held Shinji's shoulder tightly and looked at him right in the eye. She must stop this nonsense now before her fist of rage cut loose and opened a can of whoopass on the Ikari boy.

"Rei must not be fully trusted. You must be careful with her. Now go get me a can of Coke."

Shinji wanted to tell Asuka to be friends with Rei, however the evil glare in her eyes was projecting vision of death and destruction if he continued on his path. To continue living, he decided to go to the fridge and get her carbonated drinks.

As the whipped mecha pilot hero left for the kitchen, Asuka smiled to herself.

"One step closer."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the massive subterranean fortress Geofront, Gendo was slicing and dicing rhythms like a mad ninja of turntable. The specially furnished R&R room was a huge studio packed with military grade audio equipment and had one of the most well stocked bar in a corner. 

_Zupzupzupzup_

"Yooo, Gendo-mannn is in da house!"

The gloved one moved his hand like Michael Jackson on a paedophile Olympics, spinning half dozen of tables and flipping random switches. A couple of very hot looking Rei clones danced in the center, all decked out in clubbing dresses. This was the only way for Gendo to party.

Light flooded in through a double door and the vice commander of Nerv stepped in. Fuyutsuki creased his brow as he observed the man on the stage, looking ridiculous in hip hop gears that were way beyond his age. Normally, Fuyutsuki wouldn't have bothered commenting on Gendo's other debauched hobbies, but this was retarded. Someone should get rap music outlawed the vice commander of Nerv figured.

A Rei with pink dyed hair looked quizzically as the old man made his way to the stage. She had seen the old man on a few occasions with Gendo, discussing issues that sounded important but irrelevant to her. While the old man did not touch her or anything, he was still a creepy guy on his own rights.

"Kay to the Oh to the Zee to the Oh, my man Kozo, whatup?" the speakers boomed.

Kozo pushed a stoned Rei out of his path. He had a mess to deal with and had no time for Gendo and his deprived childhood activities. Kozo stepped up and yanked the headphones from Gendo.

"What, you don't like my rhymes or something?" Gendo complained. He shoved two fingers forward, threatening to stick it into the old man's nose.

Fuyutsuki stared at his student. "This is no time for your shit, Gendo. We got work to do."

Gendo raised both his hands up and put on his hood. Then he took a couple of steps back and turned around. The group of Rei's stopped whatever they were doing and looked at the commotion.

"I know what this is about. You hate me because I'm black!"

Kozo stood stunned like a yak in between two 18-wheelers. His job as the vice commander of Nerv was more a political position rather than a manager and he had seen his share of racial political blunders. There was once where he was invited to give a speech in a university and no one told him beforehand that it was an ultra liberal academy. Shit happens when you tell people that the poor deserves to die because they are dumb and lazy.

Loud murmurs came from all the Rei's below. Kozo didn't have to look at the crowd to know his approval rating was at all time low. Gendo pressed on his assault.

"You white guys and your mega corporations, always putting down the black man. You don't care about us!"

Gendo crossed his arm. "You like slavery, don't you? You want to see dem colored skins working in sugarcane plantations, so you can smoke your goddamn Cuban cigars, right?"

Kozo pissed shit and held up his hands in denial as chants to cap his ass rolled around him. The thirst for blood grew louder.

Faster than an eighteen year old virgin dropping his pants for his first shot at a pussy, Gendo whipped out a nine and stuck it in Kozo's face. A split second later, he twisted the gun aside, holding it ghetto style like a real gangsta.

The twisted smile from Gendo's mug reminded Kozo of the time when he was young and reckless, doing stupid shit all the time.

"Any last word, old man?" Gendo asked as he waved the gun slightly.

A moment of eternity passed between the two men. It was just like that time when Kozo was in the men's and the janitor forgot to replace the paper roll. It was a terrible thing to be trapped in a small cubicle with your pants down with only a handphone to call for help while your decision making ability just went down the shithole.

In between the time it takes for a universe to be created and die, Gendo put his gun away.

"Just fucking with ya, old man."

Kozo blinked hard before regaining composure. Fuck Gendo and his goddamn childish games. It is always the asshole who gets position of power. It's the same everywhere, whether it's the government or corporate.

"Bitch."

Gendo waved his posse away. It was a talk between men and biatches have no place here with them. Kozo wiped sweats from his brow. Time to get to the matter in hand.

"So what's causing you to shit blood, Kozo?"

Gendo pulled a pack of cigarette and lighted for the both of them.

The tip of the cancer stick lit brightly as Kozo inhaled. "Shinji just happened to be the star of our own Abu Ghraib."

Gendo creased his eyebrow. "What Abu Grape?"

Kozo groaned at his so-called commander's dismal level of knowledge which was inversely proportionate with his assholism. Somehow, God prefers these types of people to be leaders. Just look at Hitler, Stalin, Mao Zedong and Kim Jong Il. All the over achievers in Genocide 101, and god love em' all the same.

Fuyutsuki coughed a little. He wondered how he should break this to Gendo. "To summarize things, Shinji was caught on video, involved in improper conduct with a terrorist in his school."

"They have terrorist teaching in class now? What do they do, teach the kids how to make suicide pancakes?"

"No, I mean yes. The terrorist used to be a teacher there but that was not the point. There is a video clip of Shinji practicing unusual method of interrogation, circulating on the Internet at the moment."

Gendo rubbed his stubby chin for a moment before figuring it all out in a way only he could.

"So the kid was getting freaky with a teacher; roleplaying terrorist and cop and all those kinky shit. And they were filming the whole thing on a webcam and somehow it ended up on the Net."

Kozo's shoulder slumped in respect of Gendo's idiocy.

"I wish that was the case, Sherlock. What we have here is an international debacle featuring pilot Ikari. Tomorrow, the liberal news, PETA, Greenpeace, UN, PTA and every pony and dog show will be creeping up our collective asses like a shit demon on crack."

* * *

A/N: Puppyslayer is back with more awesome stir-fried barbecue double boiled puppy dishes with cheese, ginseng and anchovies. When I'm writing the scene where Asuka talks some well needed political correctness into Shinji, I wondered – what inspires everyone to write Asuka like a murderous psychobitch? I agree that she is a violent person, but no more abusive than, say -- Naru to Keitaro (Love Hina) -- when it comes to dealing with Shinji. It's like, no one is giving crap about writing shitfics with even an ounce of effort nowdays. 

Props to Houoza, Adam Kadmon, Rusty Knights, SephirothXYZ, and you guys who left reviews in the past and in the coming future.

_Next chapter: Shinji found out that his life just became some sort of reality-tv show, only that people does not plot diabolical plans to rule the world beside a campfire with great camera angles. With all the problems in hand, will Gendo wage legally questionable war on some shitty third world that does not even has electricity in order to divert attention?_


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